


It's Who We Are

by psychicdreams



Category: Merlin (TV), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Drama, Humor, Loki as a mentor, M/M, Merlin is a good samaritan, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 17:52:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4844822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicdreams/pseuds/psychicdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Near death, Loki wishes himself away to find a quiet place to die, but fate and meddlesome young men decide that it isn't his time to go just yet. He finds himself in a young world that he can start over and he would do just that, if his brother would just leave him alone for five minutes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow, I didn't realize it's been a year since I've posted anything. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised since I've been working on this story for a year. The first three dragged for almost that entire time...and then I finished it entirely in the weekend. No wonder my hands hurt.

He swam in and out of consciousness, flashes of pain interspersing with blessed darkness. Honestly, Loki wasn’t sure he wanted to live. Frigga was dead and it was his fault. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t known that she would be there, if he hadn’t said anything, she would still be alive. He could blame Jane Foster, which he rightly did because she shouldn’t have been there to start with, but it was still mostly his fault. He’d had an idea of what was going to happen when he came up behind and stabbed Algrim and he could have gotten out of the way, but for what purpose? All he wanted to do was die in peace and if everyone thought he was already dead, then they wouldn’t be looking for him to put him in a cell. As soon as he was sure that Thor had been gone, he’d gathered what magic he still had control of and teleported…somewhere.

 

Loki realized that something wasn’t right when the flashes of pain weren’t as often and the darkness wasn’t so complete. His body was repairing itself…with the help of someone else. He frowned, or tried to, and struggled for the first time against the unconsciousness that had gripped him immediately after his teleportation. It was surprisingly hard and was this something similar to the Odin sleep? It felt like he was struggling in vain, not in control of his body. Such a feeling brought back memories of the Tesseract. He was not as blasé about what had happened as he had led Thor to believe and he had regretted putting his hands on it the moment he had touched it.

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he found himself clawing his way toward consciousness. He twitched his fingers and gathered the most instinctive magic he knew that wouldn’t take that much effort to use: ice. Being a Jotun occasionally came in handy, giving him something to fall back on when everything else was stripped away.

 

“No, don’t do that, you’re safe! We’re not going to hurt you, I promise. We’re helping!”

 

The voice was young, almost painfully young, and pleading. So earnest and honest, something he hadn’t felt or heard for thousands of years. Something about it felt so familiar, so like himself an achingly long time ago, that he felt his magic ease away. He could sense no deception from that voice, just an urge to help. Loki would not let go of what little bit of his sense he now managed to control, listening to the conversation above him.

 

“I’ve never seen someone heal so quickly before. Just yesterday he was hemorrhaging blood and now there’s almost none at all.”

 

That voice was older, carrying the weight of years, and a bit frail, but the knowledge and surprising kindness in it reminded him of Frigga. Loki had not cried in years and he would not start now…but he felt her loss so keenly that it was as if his heart had been ripped out. Though he knew he deserved some of Thor’s ire, he hadn’t expected the tired words when his brother had broken him out. There was no anger or hope or even any emotion that had been there in their previous encounters and something about that was worse than anything. Only when Thor had held him as he thought he was dying, the desperate way those hands touched him, told him that no matter what Thor was trying to do, he had still cared, at least a little. Was it for Loki himself or because he didn’t want to lose another member of his family?

 

“Gaius, we can’t let Arthur know. If he finds out that this man is a sorcerer—”

 

“Arthur is not like his father, Merlin, and you know that better than anyone. He has proven a good king so far.”

 

“I’ll play with my own life by telling him, but not someone else’s.”

 

“Then you’re lucky you found him at night and no one saw us bringing him back.” Something cool was pressed to his forehead, something that felt like wet cloth.

 

“Who… What is he? I’ve never seen someone with blue skin before.”

 

Blue skin? Damn. What had happened to the Allfather’s curse?

 

“I don’t know, but it’ll be a lot easier for him now that his skin is back to normal.”

 

Well at least it was still there. Perhaps he had been so severely injured that he had reverted on so base a level that the curse had been unable to control. Gathering everything he had, Loki forced his eyes open. It felt like he was moving through sludge, frustratingly slowly, and everything was hazy at first. He tried to blink, but his eyes fell closed and he had to force them open again.

 

“Hey, I think he’s waking up.”

 

A face swam in his vision, then another, and this time he could actually blink, albeit slowly. As the voices had led him to suspect, there was a very young man and an old one. “I’m Merlin. How are you feeling?”

 

He looked at the young man with short black hair and startling blue eyes that reminded him of Thor’s. Loki heaved in a breath, a tad annoyed that they thought he might die even though that was his full intention not too long ago. There was a thump somewhere else and a strident voice calling, “Merlin! You better not be at the tavern again!”

 

“Arthur!” Merlin said in a panic, looking at the old man. “We can’t let him in here. Distract him with something! _Don’t_ tell him I’m at the tavern!”

 

The old man rolled his eyes and quickly left the room, closing the door behind him. The walls were thin, though, and Loki could hear their conversation clearly.

 

“Gaius, where’s Merlin? He was missing all day yesterday. He better not be sleeping off a hangover from the tavern.”

 

Despite the annoyance, Loki could hear the concern and he glanced at the one hovering near him. There was a frown on his face.

 

“I’m afraid he’s not available, My Lord. I’ve been keeping him fairly busy lately. He was gathering herbs for me all day and night yesterday and now he’s sleeping. I’ll send him right to you when he wakes up.”

 

There was silence for a moment and then the sound of heavy booted feet on the floor. “Fine, but I expect him to rise by dinner time.”

 

“I will, but surely you would prefer to spend some time alone at dinner solely with Gwen?”

 

“Gwen is… We’ve…” The hesitation was painfully clear. “We’ve had an argument and she’s not speaking to me.”

 

Merlin moved then, to the door, and clenched his hands into fists, as if it was taking all he had not to go out and reassure the man that was out there. Loki watched silently, taking in cues that he didn’t think the other man was even aware he was giving off. There was something…more…there.

 

“I’m sure it will all work itself out. I wouldn’t worry.”

 

“Just get Merlin moving when the lazy sod gets up.” A door was almost slammed and quickly the older man returned.

 

“What did he do to Gwen now?”

 

Though he really tried to stay awake, Loki found himself finally drifting back off during their conversation.

 

When Loki woke next, it was a lot easier. He didn’t feel like it was a struggle anymore. He was alone in a small room, likely the same room as before, with the most uncomfortable thing he’d ever had to sleep on. Even the floor would be better than this bed. He wore nothing except his pants and there were bandages that were covering a good portion of his chest where his wound was. He winced as he sat up and accelerated healing or not, the wound wasn’t completely healed.

 

Loki braced his hand on a bedside table and pushed himself to his feet, feeling his stomach growl with the need for food. He stumbled a little toward the door, but didn’t fall. Where was he? Bracing himself for whatever he would find, he threw open the door.

 

There were the two from the last time he’d woken up at a table, a mortar and pestle in Merlin’s hands and a few vials in… He dredged up the name from his subconscious: Gaius? Making sure he felt steady, he slowly went down the short steps. A creak caught the two’s notice and Merlin jumped to his feet.

 

“You’re awake! If it hadn’t been for you breathing, I would have sworn you were dead!” Loki leaned back in surprise as suddenly the boy was rushing over, reaching for him. “You’re going to fall—”

 

“I’m fine,” he spat, his throat scratchy. He needed a drink more than he needed food, apparently.

 

“Fine? You slept for two weeks! We couldn’t wake you up to eat or drink! I still don’t know how you’re alive!”

 

Two weeks? The injury must have been more severe than he had imagined…or maybe he really hadn’t wanted to live and that thought from his mind had slowed his body’s healing.

 

“Merlin, let him be for a minute to get his bearings.”

 

“Yes, Merlin, do back off before I make you.”

 

Merlin blinked at and backed up. Loki didn’t honestly intend to have so much hostility in his tone, but he was disoriented and still feeling a lot of pain that wasn’t physical. For the first time in centuries, he felt the urge to run _to_ Thor, to feel his brother hug him protectively and comfortingly like he had when they were children. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time…

 

“Water,” he rasped and Merlin quickly turned to a clay pitcher and poured a cup, holding it out tentatively. Loki took it, forcing himself to take it in slowly so he didn’t heave it back up. It was heavenly, the cool liquid soothingly flowing down his dry throat.

 

He could almost see Merlin vibrating with questions, something about that making him want to reminisce with Thor. He had been that young and excitable about something new once. The prospect of knowledge, particularly of an arcane bent, had been the greatest of his desires. So foolish, so naïve…and yet they were the happiest times of Loki’s life.

 

“Where am I?”

 

“Camelot. Gaius is the court physician and we’ve been hiding you in my room. You were blue and that’s…not normal here. It would seem like magic, so we were afraid if other people saw you… There’s laws against magic—”

 

“It wasn’t magic,” he interrupted, slowly putting one foot in front of the other to reach an empty stool and sit down. Silently Gaius put a plate of food in front of him. He looked at the bread and fruit in distaste, but it was something to eat.

 

“What was it then?”

 

“I’m Jotun. That’s how I should look.”

 

“What’s a Jotun?” Gaius asked at the same time as Merlin said, “Then why do you look like this now?”

 

Of course he had to land in a world where Asgard and the other realms of Ysggradil hadn’t touched. “Jotun is a Frost Giant. I was born small and useless, left to die, when I was found by the Jotuns’ mortal enemy. He cast a spell on me to make me appear like him, like an Asgardian. His curse is very strong. Only when another Jotun touches me or I’m apparently near death does my ‘heritage’ surface.”

 

Before they could ask any further questions, the door was thrown open. “ _Merlin, I told you to clean out the stables_!”

 

The man that paused in the doorway almost made him blanch. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a warrior obviously, and he didn’t want so many reminders of his younger days! He glanced between the three, his annoyance disappearing as he asked, “What’s going on?”

 

Gaius and Merlin exchanged glances before Gaius answered, “Merlin found him in an alleyway, stabbed, and we brought him here last night, managing to save his life.”

 

There was a bit of skepticism in the man’s brow, but he nodded slowly. “Who are you? How did you get stabbed?”

 

“Why do you want to know?” was his first reply, earning him a sharp look from the older man.

 

“I’m the king of Camelot. If there are criminals out there that assault those that live here, I need to have the knights put a stop to it.”

 

Loki looked at Merlin, who was doing an impressively poor job at hiding his anxiety over the situation. Clearly he wasn’t supposed to tell the truth to this man, which he didn’t see why he shouldn’t. They couldn’t kill him; even injured, Loki was well aware of his abilities and they wouldn’t hold a candle to him. “My name is Loki,” he said and went back to eating slowly.

 

The king waited and prompted, “And how did you get stabbed?”

 

“I was avenging the death of my mother,” Loki told him truthfully. “I won.”

 

The mention of his mother’s death seemed to pause them and the questions stopped, which he was grateful for. He wasn’t in the mood for explanations anymore. He didn’t know what he was planning on doing now that Asgard and everyone thought he was dead and he wasn’t sure he cared.

 

“While I appreciate the reason why you did it, you should have left it to the knights.”

 

He couldn’t help it. Loki laughed at his words. These people were so young and naïve, assuming they could handle everything, when they were truly meddling in the affairs of gods. “Your _knights_ would be useless,” he told him. “They would be slaughtered before the Svartalfar!” Just thinking about the dark elves caused his teeth to bare and he found himself standing up and pacing. “If they could get into Asgard undetected by even Heimdall’s eyes, you would have stood no chance. Their invasion would have been successful within minutes of coming to a world like this!”

 

“…Gaius, what’s he talking about?”

 

The older man paused before stumbling out with, “Perhaps some of the medicines have caused him to be confused—”

 

“I am not confused!” he shouted, whirling around and regretting it as he grew a bit dizzy, taking the other three aback. “You are in the presence of someone far beyond your comprehension! You live in a world without any inkling of the others that surround you! To be so ignorant, so naïve, is foolish!” The fight eased out of him and abruptly sat on the floor to keep the room from spinning. “I wish I could be so foolish as you.”

 

Gaius was next to him as soon as he’d sat down and even though Loki tried to bat him off, he would not be dissuaded. The young blonde man was watching him carefully before he said, “Merlin, what’s really going on?”

 

“Like Gaius said—”

 

“Tell him the truth or I will,” Loki threatened quietly. “I will not live in a lie constructed by others.”

 

Merlin sighed heavily. “He’s not…from here. From what he’s said, he’s from another world. He has magic, which was why I didn’t want to tell you, Arthur.”

 

Arthur was staring right at him, and Loki fearlessly met his gaze. “What are you doing here then, if you’re from some other mythical ‘world’ of yours?”

 

“As I told you: I was avenging the death of my mother. In my near death, I teleported somewhere safe and this happened to be it.” He leaned back against the nearby wall, feeling weight drag on his eyelids now that he’d had a drink and some food.

 

“What do you intend on doing here?”

 

“Nothing of any consequence, except teach Merlin to control his magic. He doesn’t feel it, but it’s like a hammer to those that were born with magic. You could feel it from nine realms away and with no control, it’s asking for trouble.”

 

Perhaps it was cruel of him to reveal a secret that Merlin was deliberately hiding, but Loki was well aware of what it felt like to hide something so important and it would only make the man as bitter and disillusioned as Loki himself was. No, he had learned a lesson from his life: to hide something that made you who you were would only cause unrest. Frigga had done what she could for him, but the warriors of Asgard had always looked down on him for his magic and he had hidden it, avoided using it, when it made him feel whole. That would not happen to Merlin.

 

His eyes slid closed without his consent and he missed the resulting explosive argument his words had caused.

 

He healed quickly after that and after spending another three days of healing sleep, Loki woke rested and uninjured. He was once again alone in the room, but his clothes were nearby and this time he pulled them on completely before leaving. Merlin was sitting at the table, Gaius nowhere to be seen. The young man looked up, glared at him, and went back to staring at the table.

 

“I did nothing but tell the truth, so you have no need to look at me like that.”

 

“You ruined everything! I wasn’t telling Arthur for a reason! Camelot has a law that sorcery is punishable by death!”

 

“And if you truly believed that your ‘Arthur’ would kill you then you are blind as well as unobservant.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

 

Loki rolled his eyes. “It’s quite obvious he’s attached to you. I’m familiar with those that are set in their ways, prejudiced against magic and nothing you will ever say will change their beliefs; Arthur is not one of those people. He can be molded, he can be made see and learn the truth. Those that I grew up with never will.”

 

Really, Merlin was just too simple. The boy’s shoulders relaxed quickly as a natural curiosity replaced his anger. “If you’re right, then what am I still doing here? Why did he forbid me from leaving?”

 

“How am I supposed to know?” he said with a glare. “What makes you think I’m at all interested?” Spotting a bowl of fruit, he grabbed a few grapes and popped them in his mouth as he frowned at the hole in his shirt left behind from the blade.

 

“Would at least tell me _why_ you did it?”

 

Loki played with a grape between two fingers, staring at it and debating whether or not he should answer. He felt a surprising amount of empathy for this young man, boy really to him, and it was so hard not to see himself as he used to be. If he’d had the power to go back and change things, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Yet as he did not have such magic, he would have to settle for stopping the events from repeating somewhere else.

 

“So you don’t end up like me,” he settled on at last and flicked the grape at Merlin’s head. “We must teach you to control your magic. You are more powerful than you realize, and without control, you’ll be a beacon to the realms. The last thing you want is to draw the attention of Thanos and the Chitauri, just to name an example.”

 

“No one’s teaching Merlin anything.”

 

He looked over to the door and wasn’t really surprised to the see the king there, glaring at him fiercely. His protectiveness had clearly been riled and if he wasn’t such a spitting image of Thor at such a young age... So fierce and righteous, gleaming as brightly as the sun. So different they were from he and Merlin who seemed to thrive on the night and hidden forces. They needed to touch, to affect with their hands, and their presence; such wasn’t necessary for mages like themselves.

 

“That is his choice. You cannot order me, I am not your vassal. Or perhaps you mean to say that I will not be teaching Merlin anything, except in your presence? Surely this great king of this great city of Camelot is not _afraid_ of magic?”

 

The man’s eyes narrowed. “There are very good reasons to fear magic.”

 

“There are very good reasons to be _cautious_ of magic, like there are good reasons to be cautious of swords. It is something that can be used to cause harm, but also for other purposes. It is, by far, more versatile and _useful_ than mere swordplay. However, if understanding magic is too much for you, then it is nothing to be ashamed of. I have met many that have lacked the capacity of mind to grasp even the simplest concepts of theory, much less magic itself.”

 

It was almost too easy to manipulate Arthur. He could see the knowledge that he was being manipulated in those eyes, but he had stoked the man’s pride and he would not back down. “Outside of the city. I will not risk the lives of my people by being too trusting.”

 

“Better you than them?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Loki had heard a similar sentiment from Thor on the one and only visit he’d received from his brother once he’d been locked up. “And what of your decree against magic?”

 

“The law has not been repealed, and will not be, until it is proven to my satisfaction that magic is not purely evil.”

 

He almost didn’t know what to say to that. What backwards man had taught this young king to hate magic so much? A fierce desire to show Arthur that magic was as good or bad as its user could make it welled up; he would _not_ let this world go on a path similar to Asgard that believed that magic was beneath, something to be used and not considered as worthy as other means. He had a chance to stop it, and he would, in its tracks. He had nothing _else_ to do, after all.

 


	2. Chapter 2

He was regretting letting the 'good king' stay around almost instantly, as Arthur was nothing more than a distraction to Merlin. While he would attempt to concentrate, the other man would do something and draw his pupil's attention. After the fourth time that happened, Loki didn't say anything. If the man wouldn't concentrate, he would feel the full effects.

 

The concealment spell he was attempting to teach backfired, naturally, and the resulting magical explosion caused Merlin to be thrown back a few inches and land on his rear. Arthur, leaning against a tree, was on his feet immediately. “What...was that?” Merlin muttered as he was helped to his feet.

 

Loki, sitting on a stump with his legs out and crossed at the ankle, looked at his nails, as if they were of great interest. “That was a magical backlash. You weren't paying attention to your spell and this time I didn't disperse the magic before it grew out of control. From what you've said, you _are_ capable of concentrating, but only when _he_ ,” He gestured to a frowning Arthur, “is in danger. You have to learn to concentrate regardless. _Emotions_ have no place in magic. They cause spells to go awry, the end result not what you intended. Magic is as versatile as the imagination; to use it requires more discipline than any other craft just because it is so versatile. If you want, _need_ , it to conceal someone that is in danger in front of you, you don't want it instead to be influenced by a panicked emotion and instead it ends up teleporting them into even greater danger.”

 

He shifted, finally looking straight at Merlin. This was a lesson he had to hammer into the young man if he was ever going to have any success being more than what he currently was. “Magic is so much more than a sword could ever be. Those that rush the front lines have their uses, and close combat can be deadly, but they are nowhere near as powerful as magic. A mage like us, that has that power burning at our fingertips and breathed in with every puff of air, are so much more. Whether those around you admit it or not, we are _vital_. It is our skill that will keep those warriors alive. Being subtle, weaving spells, so that they don't trip or a crushing blow becomes a glancing strike: that is more useful than anything you can imagine. _We_ are the backbone that brings the warriors home alive and if trained correctly, we are also those that can lead those warriors through certain death without a scratch.”

 

He had heard this so long ago, such ideas taught to him by his mother, and he couldn't help but wonder how he'd gone so wrong. It was more than a manner of teaching, an ideal to follow, but he had become so bitter over the years that he had started to disbelieve it. To have his skill, to have his role in battle, completely ignored by those warriors he had tirelessly worked to save had changed him. Listening to Fandral or one of the rest of Thor's friends take credit to their skills rather than acknowledge that his magic had saved them over and over had changed everything. Only Thor... Only Thor had ever thanked him for what he had done, albeit more rarely as the years went on, but even he had not sung any ballads over it.

 

“If magic were like that, it would not have been outlawed.”

 

“Magic is no more evil than your sword,” he countered Arthur. While he saw resistance in the young king, he didn't see someone he couldn't change. Whether that was due to a natural open mindedness, or whether that was due to the fact that _Merlin_ had magic, he didn't know. It didn't really matter in the end, so long as his mind _was_ changed. “It is only how it is used that matters. Now, Merlin. _Concentrate._ ”

 

They were out there for hours, long enough that the sun started to ease down toward the horizon. Disregarding what Arthur might think of it, instead of walking, he merely teleported them back to the castle. Loki landed them on the parapets and turned to the stunned pair. “No one will see you enter as if you'd left.”

 

“Warn us before you do that!” Arthur spat.

 

Loki rolled his eyes and sat on the stone of the parapet. “Go do...something else. Your lessons have concluded for the day. At the very least, I'm assured that you have managed to grasp the basics of the _theory_ of magic at any rate.”

 

Arthur looked more than ready to stalk off, but Merlin lingered. When he raised his eyebrow in the silent question of 'why are you still here', the boy asked, “What is it like at your home?”

 

It was an inquiry fraught with mines for him. It would take too long to explain, if he was even interested, which he wasn't. He thought back to Thor, how his brother had held him so tightly that his ribs almost cracked. He'd seen tears in those eyes and poor, stupid, innocent Thor... No matter what he did, his brother was always the forgiving type. Well he was dead to them, so they had no reason to look for him. This was probably the one chance he had to 'start over', if he wanted to.

 

“I don't have a home any longer,” he said flatly.

 

As if sensing that was the best he was going to get at the moment, Merlin pouted, but finally allowed himself to be tugged away by the young king. The silence that surrounded him after that was soothing. There was noise below him, but it was like a low hum. He'd once had a spot in the palace that was this quiet and only Thor had known where it was. He still was unclear how his brother had 'accidentally' managed to find it, but at least true to his word, he hadn't told anyone where it was. He could never understand Thor that had always felt the need to be surrounded by people. He much preferred solitude, or a small group, to the raucous crowds that his brother drew.

 

As the sun set in bursts of orange and red, Loki watched the industry below him break up. By the time night had set in, he hadn't seen a single soul pass besides guards, and the occasional 'night time visitor'. Seeing nothing more of interest, he turned and with a lack of any other place to go, returned to the healer's home. Gaius was already asleep, but Merlin was still awake.

 

“I was waiting for you.”

 

“Why?”

 

He seemed taken aback by the question. “I didn't know if you'd be back.”

 

“You thought I'd leave. I suppose I could leave this realm with little effort.” He walked past his pupil into the small room he'd woken up in days ago and eyed the very small bed. “I have things to do here, though.”

 

“What sort of things?”

 

Merlin had followed behind him almost like a puppy. Loki considered telling him, but discarded the thought almost instantly. What he was doing was tangled deeply into intimate emotions that he wouldn't have told even Thor when they were as thick as thieves. “I've seen the path that this world, and certain people in it are on, but I know a better one.”

 

“Path? What path? Who?”

 

“Go to sleep, Merlin.”

 

“Aren't you going to answer my questions?” Loki just looked at him and Merlin pouted again. “No, of course you aren't.”

 

“It's not difficult to figure out the answers to your questions if you think about it. Now _I'm_ going to sleep at least.” He plopped down onto the bed, ignoring the squeak of protest from Merlin. Sighing in annoyance, he rolled over onto his side, leaving a bit of room, which the boy quickly claimed. It was cramped and uncomfortable, but better than the floor despite his grumbling, and Loki wasn't that magnanimous.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Loki watched them dance about each other in a rhythm that was painfully familiar, but there was also something about Merlin and Arthur that kept their bond stronger than his and Thor's had been. Maybe it was because there was no life-changing knowledge being held from them like with him. They honestly seemed content with the situation, but Loki wasn't.

 

He frowned. Over the past two weeks, his continued training seemed to have been paying off, both in teaching Merlin control and seeming to have an impact with Arthur. The distrust was slowly lessening and he'd smile just a bit indulgently when Merlin would show him tricks. So why had he not repealed the law banning magic yet? Loki's political eye could tell that he could do it without too great an issue. Those advisers of his that bucked would eventually come to heel, just from the fact that they were loyal to the Pendragon line and they owed everything to the king. The knights would do whatever their king did and the people trusted Arthur a lot more than they had trusted his father, from what he'd heard. So why?

 

Unless he was concerned about the retaliation to Merlin? That was a possibility. There would always be closed minded people and before they fell in line, they might try something...but that was half the point of his training: so Merlin could _properly_ defend himself without going overboard...or defend himself at all if Arthur wasn't in the picture. Perhaps he was waiting, just watching Loki. He hadn't hid his magic use at all, and the entire palace and city knew of the strange man assisting the king that had magic and was not put to death. The official explanation was that he had entreated Arthur to see that magic was not evil, and the man was giving him a temporary chance.

 

Loki was tempted to talk to Arthur about the law, but paused. No. If he did, he could be viewed as meddling. As much as he wanted to quickly put this world on the right path, he couldn't force them otherwise they'd balk. He had to be patient. Merlin was doing more for changing that law just by sticking with Arthur and showing him inane tricks than Loki could with an angry sermon.

 

His days were idle besides training Merlin and he spent most of his time either reading or watching the complicated affair of Merlin, Arthur, and Gwen. The young serving girl was in love all right, but Loki didn't believe that the complete love was returned from the object of her affections. He didn't doubt that Arthur cared for her, but Loki had seen the way he reacted to Merlin, how despite his grumbling he'd drop everything he was doing if Merlin told him to. Not to mention it didn't take even a dullard, and Loki was not even close to a dullard, much to see the sexual tension that lay between them.

 

Yet they weren't doing anything about it. Why? Did they not realize it themselves or were they deliberately refusing to do something about it because of backward social norms? It wasn't unknown in Asgard for two men together; Fandral was well known as a bisexual and it was a wonder he hadn't lost some important bits from venereal diseases. This world had apparently hadn't quite come to that point yet.

 

Perhaps that was what excited Loki the most about this place, this Camelot. This world was so young, so easy to manipulate and mold to what it _should_ be—

 

“You get lost in thought a lot.”

 

Loki blinked and turned to look at the intruder to his contemplation. “You're one of Arthur's 'inner circle' knights. ...Which one are you again?”

 

The man placed his hand over his heart, as if he wounded. “I'm hurt. You've been here for almost a month and you don't remember my name?” He grinned. “Gwaine. And I notice you're up on the parapets. As usual.”

 

“Do I detect a note of disapproval at my choice of activity?”

 

“Maybe a little. Come on, Merlin has been telling tales that you're a great warrior. I want to test that.”

 

Loki's eyebrows hit his hairline. He couldn't control what Merlin was saying, but he had thought the man wouldn't have spoken much of their training out in the woods. “Are you really that eager to be beaten?”

 

Gwaine laughed heartily. “I think you underestimate me. Let's go down to the training area.” As he turned, he paused. “No magic though. Fair fight.”

 

“Fighting with magic _is_ a fair fight to me, but I suppose since you are _handicapped_ with no magic, I shall have to.”

 

Despite fully expecting him to, Gwaine didn't take offense. Instead he chuckled and Loki found himself smiling just a little. Sometimes he grew too lost in thought for his own good, dwelling on the past. He didn't even know why he did it, or even why Thor always took so much of his thoughts even now. He was trying to _move on_ so why couldn't he just let his past go?

 

Some of the other knights were there, ostentatiously polishing their weapons, but he knew they had servants for that so they were there simply to watch. These people were so easy to read that it took no effort for someone like him. Even Thor could figure them out...but there was something refreshing about it too. He...really liked it here.

 

Gwaine pulled a sword from a nearby rack and gestured. “Take your pick.”

 

As he pulled one, he heard the dark-skinned one comment, “This should be interesting. From what Arthur's said, he's a quick fighter and so is Gwaine. Take bets on who will win?”

 

The large one, and he really should make an effort to remember their names, said, “Sure. Ten on Loki.”

 

“You would bet against me? My friends? I'm wounded,” Gwaine commented but he was grinning like a loon. Loki spun without warning, lightly swinging the sword toward the man's armored chest and it was parried easily. There was a twinkle in his eyes as he said, “Whoops, almost lost my head there.”

 

“I deliberately aimed for your chest, you nitwit,” he commented with no heat. It was completely natural and Gwaine didn't seem to get upset over it. They traded mild insults almost as a sport between them as they sparred and it was invigorating in a way. He couldn't do that with Thor, he just wasn't good enough at thinking on his feet for witty comebacks.

 

Loki leapt over a low swing at his feet and as soon as he landed, he kicked him in his chest, knocking the knight flat on his back. Before he could rush in, however, and claim the final ending blow, Gwaine had rolled to his feet. Their blades met again and again as the sun began to become uncomfortable. The heat was rising and Asgard could get warm, but not like this. There was no shade in this open area and the heavy cloth of his clothes, even without the coat, kept him too warm as it seemed to soak up the heat.

 

To his relief, even Gwaine seemed to be feeling it, if the sweat running down his face was any indication. Their insult trading had fallen off to silence as they concentrated then and Loki lost all track of time. He used to do this with Thor for hours when they were younger until they both collapsed. He spun and perhaps it was the sun, the exhaustion, and the quick movement that combined with his thoughts. Or maybe the reason he did it was because deep in him he missed Thor so much.

 

His strikes, held back because no matter what they said, he was still much stronger and faster than they were, became almost brutally hard. There was a reason they'd been called gods. All he could see in his vision was blonde hair and laughing blue eyes and for once, just once, he wanted to win a bout with him. Even without Mjolnir, Thor had always won—

 

“Whoa!”

 

“Gwaine!”

 

“Hey!”

 

The shouts snapped him out of whatever daze he'd been in, and he froze. Quickly he took stock, noting that Gwaine had been tossed several feet away and he could feel the magic humming at his fingertips. It had been just a blast of magic, nothing major. Thor could have withstood it with a laugh and it would have barely ruffled his hair...but Gwaine had been sent flying.

 

The other three knights helped the man to his feet and for the first time in a long while, he wasn't sure what to say. “I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean...”

 

Gwaine coughed a bit and waved his hand. “No harm done. You win, if only because I'm exhausted and you don't even seem winded.”

 

He didn't? He was hot, almost unbearably so, and it seemed to sap him of whatever energy he'd had. “You're well trained. I'm actually a little bit impressed.”

 

The fighter grinned and gestured him over to a group of barrels. “Just for that compliment, which I don't think I've ever heard a compliment come out of your mouth before, I'll show you what we do on days like this after training. Percival! Okay, you, take off your shirt.”

 

Loki almost balked at that. “I beg your pardon?”

 

“Take off your shirt. Trust me.”

 

He frowned, but pulled off his top and ignored the whistle Gwaine gave. He wasn't sure if it was honest appreciation or more teasing, but he was used to it being the latter. “Now what?”

 

In answer, he felt cold water poured over from behind and he yelped a bit. As he spun around, he heard another splash and Gwaine laughing. The man, also sans shirt and chainmail, was soaked as well. “That's what we do to cool off here.”

 

The other knights were grinning at him and he'd honestly didn't know what it meant to feel that he was 'welcomed' until now. Loki ran his hands through his hair and laughed with them even as he felt a bit of cold fear going down throat and settling in his stomach. He had always been very careful to mask his magic use; not from the people of Camelot, but to the prying eyes of Heimdall and any who might be searching for the telltale signs. That blast of magic had not been concealed. It wasn't great, nothing like a huge beacon, but if one was looking for it...

 

No, why would Thor be looking for it? It was most likely come to nothing...but he could not shake that feeling that the quiet he had slowly come to enjoy might disappear.

 

-0-0-0-

 

“What are you looking for?”

 

He blinked at the question, not having realized he'd been looking over his shoulder a lot lately. The feeling of dread from his spar with Gwaine had not left him. It was like a lead weight in his stomach for the past two weeks, to the point that even Merlin and Arthur could tell something was wrong.

 

“It's nothing.”

 

“It isn't nothing,” Merlin insisted as the three of them stalked across the hills toward a stream, their current new training grounds. “What's going on?”

 

The sound of thunder rumbled overhead and he snapped his head up to the slightly overcast sky, feeling twitchy. “If you must know, I expect an unwelcome visitor.”

 

Arthur crossed his arms. “You've been here for a month and a half. I've allowed the eccentricities and the training of Merlin and I've even repealed the ban on magic. I think you owe us an explanation.”

 

Loki frowned. Yes, the young king had repealed the ban the week before, but it had hardly been for _him_. Despite that, these people had been kind to him...but they didn't know. Feeling trapped, he lashed out. “You're harboring a wanted criminal,” he spat.

 

His apprentice's jaw dropped. “What?”

 

He paced, the unease growing at every rumble above him. It was probably just a summer storm, but he was paranoid, thinking it might be Thor. “I was raised as a prince in Asgard despite being born of their mortal enemy alongside the actual heir. We were...very close once, but he grew arrogant as he aged.” In frustration, he ran his hands through his hair. “I let the Jotun into the vault with the most powerful items. It was just to disrupt the ceremony so he wasn't crowned, that was all. Everything that came after...I didn't intend it.”

 

“What happened?”

 

Something about Merlin's kind expression made him want to lash out instinctively again, but he restrained himself and quietly muttered the events that had led to him falling into the abyss, only to be found by the Chitauri. This was an even more painful story to tell: of his attack on Midgard, which only gave him a twinge, but the manner in which he'd returned to Asgard, his shunning of his mother only to find that that was the last time he'd ever see her.

 

“I allowed Thor to think that I was dead. I was _intending_ on remaining dead, but you and Gaius were meddlesome and began to heal me.”

 

“So what does this have to do with your behavior lately?” Arthur prodded, arms crossed.

 

“I sparred with Gwaine two weeks ago and for just a moment used my magic in an unguarded manner. I don't trust that someone looking for me wouldn't notice.”

 

“Why would he think to look for you if he thinks your dead?”

 

A fierce clap of thunder overhead made him flinch. “Thor is a fool, but he isn't an idiot. It's possible he might suspect something if they went back to find my body and it wasn't there.”

 

“So what happens if he finds you?”

 

“He'll likely attempt to bring me back to Asgard and throw me in the dungeon again.”

 

It was Merlin that answered with, much to his surprise, “We won't let that happen!”

 

“We won't?” Arthur said, mystified just as Loki said, “What?”

 

“You've been a great help here, both to us and to Camelot. You're home is here now, we're not going to let him take you away. Or at least _I'm_ not.”

 

There was a flash of gold in his eyes and Loki, for a brief moment, could feel the power coiled in Merlin's very soul. He might, just maybe, be more powerful than Loki himself at full strength and if anyone could stop it, he could. Now he was just a runt, just barely understanding the depths of power that resided in his soul, but someday? Someday maybe even death itself wouldn't be able to stop him.

 

The long moment of silence was broken up by Arthur's shifting and heavy sigh. “I suppose, then, that knights should be placed as guards for you in case he does show up.”

 

Loki couldn't help it—he laughed at the very thought. “They would be no match for Thor, but...perhaps they would be effective from the standpoint that he might not want to actually hurt them and refuse to engage in a fight if they insist on protecting me.”

 

“Well since you two seem to get along _famously_ , I'll assign you Gwaine.”

 

The sky opened up then, drenching them and that ominous feeling came to a head. He knew, right then. “What a shame it's all a moot point now.”

 

“What?”

 

Loki teleported the three of them just in time to be several feet away from a small crater that hadn't been there seconds before. “I was hoping you wouldn't look for me,” he said.

 

The being in the middle of the crater straightened up. “I'll always look for you, Loki.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin stared at the man that had just suddenly appeared with a bolt of lightning. He was a warrior, clearly, with polished chainmail and quality leather pants and boots. A red cape seemed to be attached somehow to the mail and it fluttered in the cold, wet breeze. His shoulder-length hair was a bright blonde, warmer in color than Arthur's, and his beard was neatly trimmed. A strange, runed hammer was hung from his belt.

 

“I thought you dead, Loki. Again.” The handsome man's voice was deep, much deeper than Arthur's, and richer, something that he'd associate with deep booming speeches.

 

“That was the idea. I was actually intending on being dead, but some good Samaritans decided they couldn't leave me be.”

 

The man's eyes flickered to Merlin and Arthur, and it finally jogged him out of his stupor. Merlin elbowed his way in front of Loki, feeling surprisingly confident that he was not about to attack. “He's told us about you.”

 

“Has he.”

 

Arthur shoved in front of Merlin, glaring at him fiercely and he was sure he'd heard a lecture later about his 'safety'. “My name is King Arthur, of Camelot. I would know what you're doing here and what you're planning on doing with one of my advisers.”

 

The man eyed them both before, much to Merlin's surprise, a smile seemed to touch his lips. “I never thought I would see the day that others would defend you like this.”

 

Loki was apparently not interested in pleasantries. His voice was ringing with tension as he asked, “Are you here to return me to Asgard?”

 

“No.”

 

“What?” Merlin glanced over his shoulder at the stunned word from his teacher. That didn't seem to be what he was expecting to hear.

 

“Loki, when I released you, I swore to you that you would have vengeance...and freedom. I will not go back on my word.”

 

“Then what are you doing here?! Why did you come?!”

 

“To see you.”

 

Arthur frowned, but it seemed to be more in confusion than anything else. “How did you even know he was here to see? Didn't you think he was dead?”

 

“I went back to bring his body home for a proper ceremony, but he wasn't there. I knew that none had gone there before me and the thought would not leave me. Loki had survived the abyss and returned; was it possible that he was not dead? For what other reason than that would his body be gone? I had no proof, though, until his magic was felt.”

 

“By who? Who else knows I live?”

 

“Father and Heimdall. None other.”

 

“And the Allfather, who disowned me, does not demand that I return to serve my sentence?”

 

Thor sighed. “Father has lost much. He is not the same man we knew as children.”

 

Merlin shivered in the rain before he could help it as the cold started to seep into his skin and began to wonder if they should leave the two alone since it didn't appear as if it was about to devolve into a battle. “Arthur and I can go over there so you two can talk—”

 

“No,” Loki said abruptly and he felt a hand on his shoulder quickly, as if to make sure he wasn't about to move. “You two will stay. This will not take long, obviously, as Thor has seen me and has no intention of bringing me back to Asgard, in chains or otherwise. Now he's leaving.”

 

“No, brother, I am not leaving. Not when I've found you again.”

 

There was the sound of a dawning horror in Loki's voice. “You don't mean...to _stay here_!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“You're the future king of Asgard, if that were not abundantly obvious! Nor do I want you here! Nor does this _young king_ want you here!”

 

“I don't?” Arthur asked mildly, clearly seeing an opportunity to get one up on Loki.

 

“ _No_ , you don't.”

 

Merlin met Arthur's eyes. So long as Thor wasn't about to drag Loki away, there didn't seem to be any harm in letting him stay. He seemed to bring more life to Loki than he had ever seen out of his teacher. Before now, he'd always seemed too calm, almost morose at times, and lethargic, but now he was sparking with vitality and energy.

 

“I don't see why he can't stay. He's visiting royalty, after all, and it would be rude to turn him away.” Loki glared at Arthur and if looks could kill, Merlin would be down one king. “We'll have to get you two a room of your own. Can't have you sharing a bed with Merlin if you're a prince.”

 

Loki looked downright apoplectic, but Thor was beaming. He stalked forward with the confident gate that Merlin associated with Arthur most of the time, something unconscious he thought that came with confidence in themselves. “And you are?”

 

Merlin blinked and looked up at the man that seemed larger than life, though he wasn't that much taller than him. “Merlin. I'm Arthur's manservant.”

 

“And clearly a mage of some talent.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

Thor glanced over at Arthur's suspicious question. “Be calm, young one. There is no need of your protectiveness here. Loki would not teach any but a mage of great talent, so if he is, then Merlin must be one.”

 

“...Fine. Well you two can stay out here and get drenched if you like, but Merlin and I are going back.” Merlin blinked as Arthur grabbed his hand and tugged him back toward him. It would take hours to reach Camelot by foot, since they had been teleported by Loki and had no horses.

 

Before he could protest, he found himself, as well as Arthur, on the parapets of the castle once again. He always had a belated reaction to teleportation just because it was so abrupt. He looked around, noticing that there were only three of them. “Where's Thor?”

 

“Hopefully lost somewhere in the middle of a deep forest,” Loki spat and stalked away.

 

“This was all your idea,” Arthur told him after a minute of silence.

 

“Why is it always my fault?!”

 

“It just is, Merlin.” His king flashed him that irrepressible grin that never failed make his stomach flutter, and headed inside out of the rain.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Merlin felt lucky that he didn't get a cold from standing out in the rain so long, he reflected as he got up the next morning and pulled on something warm. The rain that had remained all of the previous day had finally eased and while slightly overcast, it was still a day that promised to be nice. Well aware that he was late, Merlin hurried to the kitchen and grabbed Arthur's breakfast without running into anyone, something that he was quite proud of having mastered in the last few years.

 

“Hurry up, Merlin, you're late!”

 

He stuck his tongue out at the teasing Gwaine and jogged up the stairs, only to pause as he spotted their newest 'guest' in front of them. They had agreed to keep most of the circumstances to themselves and settled on that he was a prince in a far-off land that none had really heard of before. No one seemed to question it, despite the raised eyebrows that he had simply shown up with no guards or entourage.

 

“Thor?” The muscular warrior turned and smiled, the action a welcoming one and there was just something about Thor that he liked. He had a charisma that reminded him almost overwhelmingly of Arthur. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“I did. I have not slept that well in ages.”

 

“Why?”

 

There was a flicker over that congenial face. “I have lost much in my family. I was foolish to have taken it all for granted. Knowing that Loki is alive...it helps.” He looked around at the people that passed them by. “Speaking of Loki, have you seen him?”

 

“Not this morning. Are you looking for him?”

 

“I fear he is avoiding me.”

 

Merlin bit his lip, not knowing if he should mention this, but wanting to help Thor wipe that melancholy look off his face. “I can look for him where I usually find him if you want me to.”

 

Thor smiled brightly. “Such help would be appreciated. I merely wish to talk. There is...much that I have to say to him.”

 

“Well let me get Arthur up and then I'll look.” He slithered by Thor and quickly headed down the hall to his friend's room. As he had suspected, Arthur was still a bundle on the bed, not having moved and likely would never move until Merlin had kicked him enough times to wake up.

 

This time he chose the annoying route, putting the food on the table and going over to the desk. After a moment of indecision, he grabbed the writing feather and headed back to the bed. Merlin knelt, grinning in anticipation of the reaction, and teased the king's nose with the soft plumage. Arthur's nose crinkled and he moved his head further away, but Merlin only followed. When he rolled over, Merlin crawled onto the bed, leaning over the man's shoulder to make sure that he still had access to his face.

 

He ready to burst out laughing when those blue eyes opened and spotted him. They sleepily narrowed and before Merlin could react, he had rolled around and yanked him down. “Merlin...” was the warning tone.

 

At the beginning when Merlin would wake Arthur, he would make sure to stay as far away from him as he could, because his friend was usually scary when he first woke up. It didn't bother him now, though, because he was confident that no matter what else, Arthur would never hurt him. He wouldn't have worked so hard to save his life when he was injured otherwise.

 

“Do you really want to tempt fate?”

 

“Come on, Arthur, you're late getting up.”

 

“You're late getting me up.”

 

“You've got no one but yourself to blame,” Merlin added with a grin, completely ignoring Arthur's comment.

 

Arthur pulled him closer, enough that their noses were almost meeting, and really, why did Arthur's bed have to be so soft and comfortable and his own so hard and unpleasant? “Listen here, you...”

 

“When have I ever listened to you?”

 

“Shut up, Merlin.”

 

Merlin laughed at him and smacked him with a pillow before crawling out of the bed. Doing what he did with Arthur was probably scandalous, but he didn't care. He had always treated him irreverently and he saw no reason to change that now.

 

-0-0-0-

 

It had taken a bit to get Arthur moving, ruining his plan for a quick get-in-get-out to look for Loki. Still, Thor seemed to be patiently waiting for him nearby; indeed, he seemed to be deep in conversation with Leon. There was that genial smile on his face and he marveled at the difference between the two brothers. Loki had a sharp tongue and he couldn't recall seeing his mentor smile even once; Thor seemed to just need to stand there and people were attracted to him thanks to that open grin.

 

Leon spotted him first over Thor's shoulder. “Ah, Merlin. Is His Majesty up?”

 

He nodded. “I'd give him a minute to eat first before you bug him, though. You know how he is.”

 

“And the only one that can ever get away with it is you while the rest of us just have to wait.”

 

Merlin blinked. “What do you mean?”

 

Leon just shook his head, but before he had to a chance to press his question, Thor shifted and his wandering attention was brought back to his original promise to help the man. “Loki's usually on the parapets most of the day, no matter how hot it is.”

 

“He seeks solitude and often, heights. I've already checked there before and he's not there. Most likely because he knew that I'm aware of his habits and deliberately changed them.”

 

“Tried the library? He loves to read.”

 

“He wouldn't be there.”

 

“How do you know? Did you check?”

 

“I don't need to check. That was the first place I always checked no matter where if I need him, and if he's avoiding me, he would stay far away from it as possible.”

 

Merlin pressed his lips together briefly as he considered where Loki might be if not those two places. Ever since he'd been there, he had always found his teacher in one of those two spots. “So if he's avoiding you, he's going to avoid going to any place you would assume he would be.”

 

“Are there any places he would rather avoid when he was younger?” Leon asked, his voice lowering after a glance around. It had been hotly debated between them whether to tell the knights the actual situation. Merlin had argued for it because they would be the most likely people to have contact with the two and if they weren't aware of the fact that they had to keep certain facts quiet, it would have gotten out quickly. Arthur had said that it was an odd stance for him to take, but he didn't think so. He'd only hidden his magic out of necessity, not desire. If there hadn't been a law against it, he would have kept no secret from his king.

 

“He very rarely visited the armory and only if he needed to sharpen his daggers, and he avoided most taverns unless I dragged him with me.”

 

“I don't think he'd be there either,” Merlin said slowly. “If you wanted to avoid someone that knew you so well from childhood, would you go to the places that you would avoid like the plague, knowing that he might check there if he was looking for you? The best idea is to find a place that's in the middle, some place that you never really think about, right in plain sight.”

 

“Where would you suggest then?”

 

At Thor's question, he grinned. “I think I know where he is.” He spun on his heel, Thor quickly following. Rather than leading the man outside, he led him further into the palace, up a side spiral staircase and stopped in front of a door. Gesturing for quiet, he cracked open the door just a little and peered into Gaius' room.

 

Leaning back in his chair near the window, with his feet on the table, was Loki. A book was open in his lap and he seemed to be perusing it with interest. At this angle it was impossible for Merlin to tell what he was reading, but whatever it was, it seemed to engross him. Quietly he closed the door and grinned in triumph to Thor.

 

The man grinned back and patted his shoulder, gesturing that it was okay to leave. Though Merlin hesitated, he didn't think a fight would be imminent and he really did have stuff to do. He didn't mind skipping those duties if he had a choice, but eavesdropping on a private conversation didn't seem a good enough reason to get in trouble with Arthur. So he nodded and headed back down the stairs, praying that he wouldn't have to apologize to Gaius later.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Thor knew that there would be no hiding his entrance, so he didn't attempt to open the door quietly. He had a brief moment to admire Loki's figure, his long legs that he'd spent years upon years dreaming about, before those green eyes flickered over and he saw the tension clench muscles he had memorized.

 

The prince of Asgard was no fool, no matter what Loki said about him, and he'd been aware since he was a teenager how he felt about his brother. Finding out that he was Jotun hadn't swayed his feelings; instead it gave him a sense of relief almost that they weren't blood related, though that hadn't stopped his feelings before. He was also well aware that Loki had no idea, nor shared such sentiments as his romantic love.

 

“You asked Merlin for help, didn't you?”

 

“Yes,” he said truthfully, seeing no reason to lie when Loki knew the truth anyway. He closed the door behind him and took a few steps forward. He was cheered a bit when his brother didn't stand or back away, but he was well aware that there was a line he couldn't cross if he didn't want that to happen.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“To talk.”

 

“You've said enough. I don't even know why you looked for me if you had no plan of bringing me back.”

 

“Is it so hard to believe that I might miss you, Loki?”

 

“Yes,” was the blunt statement. “You made that abundantly clear when you released me from the dungeons.”

 

“And you believed it?”

 

“Why wouldn't I?”

 

“Because you have never believed a single lie I have ever said. You've always seen right through me whether I wanted you to or not.”

 

Loki didn't say anything, only sighed and finally looked up from his book, but his gaze remained firmly fixed away from Thor. “You're not here because you miss me.”

 

“Why would I be here if not for that?”

 

Green eyes narrowed. “I don't know.”

 

“You've always been able to predict everything, or so you said,” Thor prodded, knowing that it would likely devolve into an argument but doing it anyway. “Why not this time? If you believe I have an ulterior motive, tell me what it is.”

 

“I don't know!” he spat, finally looking at Thor. It was a glare, but he was now looking at him at least. “There are things that come to mind to explain it all, but you're usually so dense and straightforward that I have a hard time attributing them to you. You're too foolishly 'good' to be deliberately malicious.”

 

“So if I have no malicious purpose, then I must be here because I missed you.”

 

Loki snarled in frustration and his fingers ticked against the edge of the book in his lap, as if it was taking all his energy to not stand up and pace. “You were never good with word games before now.”

 

Thor sighed. “I play no games, Loki, with words or otherwise. I never have. It was always you that sought to twist what I said for some perceived insult.”

 

“ _Perceived_ insult?”

 

At the outraged tone, Thor knew he had gone too far. His ire was slowly rising, but he reminded himself that he had to be the calm one. It used to be, in the past, that it was Loki that had reigned in his temper and kept his volatile emotions in check; now it was time for him to take that role if he wanted to have any hope of a decent conversation.

  
“I did not come to argue, Loki. I acknowledge that I was not the best...brother a man could be in my youth and likely, some of your many grievances were justified. It doesn't excuse what you have done, but I am not here to speak of that either.”

 

“Then, by bloody Ysggradil, Thor, _what are you here for_? I wish you would just tell me so you can leave me in peace!”

 

For a moment, he debated what to say in the face of the irate man he called brother. He knew what to say to anger him, he knew what to say to make him dismiss him entirely...and he knew what to say to stun him. For once, he would be entirely honest with Loki. Loki was demanding it and perhaps his brother should be careful what he wished for.

 

“To woo you,” he said bluntly.

 

There was a strangled sound that came from Loki's mouth, who had already opened it to respond before it had sunk in what Thor had told him. Those green eyes had widened painfully to their limits and had he been standing, he was sure the Jotun would have dropped to the floor in boneless shock. For the first time in his entire millennia of life, he saw Loki _speechless_.

 

So he continued. What else should he do? “To be honest, at first, I just wanted to be sure what Heimdall said was actually true. I couldn't trust my own ears when he said he felt your magic flare so briefly. Even he said he could not be sure since it was so quick, there and then gone. I had suspected, just perhaps, you might not be dead when I did not find your body, but I could not trust myself and the hope that caused.

 

“I had never actually intended to tell you, but seeing you here and seeming so much...happier than at home struck something in me. I had the overwhelming desire to make sure that I was able to put that expression on your face. I will also admit telling you this assuages a bit of...jealousy I will admit to feeling seeing how you are with Merlin.”

 

Loki struggled to speak, another sound almost like a squeak escaping, and Thor took a step forward, reaching the end of the table that his brother had propped his feet up on. The effect was like throwing water on him, and he rushed to his feet. While his voice seemed to be paralyzed, his body was not. Knowing that Loki could merely teleport away if he desired, Thor continued to slowly stalk forward, pursuing the man that was trying to put distance between them.

 

“You've always stirred a fire in my belly, something no one else has ever done, including Jane Foster. I appreciate her mind and her affections and she is the first woman that has ever caught my attention so, but no matter how I tried, I could not remove your image from my mind even with her.”

 

“S-S-Stop!” Thor paused at the sharp, almost panicked word. “You're lying. You must be.”

 

“You have always had a talent for both speaking lies and telling who is speaking them. There is a reason others called you the Liesmith. Can you detect any falsehood in my words?”

 

Something about the wildness in his eyes said he had struck a cord with his brother and he risked stepping forward. Loki's back hit a wall, knocking a hanging basket down onto the floor, enabling Thor to quickly pin him in to keep him from running. He could never hold the man against his will, his magic would see to that, so Thor did not view what he did as trapping him.

 

“What else would you have me say, Loki, other than the truth? What else do you require of me to make you believe my words?”

 

The man was so close, lips within inches, and Thor wanted desperately to close the distance...but a part of him just couldn't do it. He could never take what Loki would not freely give, even something as simple and yet as powerful as a kiss. If it never came to pass, then Thor would at least be able to look at himself in the mirror. He had never realized that telling Loki everything would ever make him feel so light, so free, as he did now.

 

He felt breath against his lips, _Loki's_ breath as he leaned forward, and his heart started to pound faster than if he were in battle. It was a desperate, wild hope in his heart. He had never expected his feelings to be returned—

 

The breath was gone, as was Loki, Thor's lips untouched.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin found Loki an hour later all but hiding in the room that used to belong to Morgana. “Loki?” he asked tentatively, poking his head in. He couldn't help but look around, seeing many of the things that had made the room belong to his former friend gone, likely packed away in a trunk or taken with the woman when she'd run. It looked androgynous now, like one of the many other rooms in the castle, and Arthur had yet to assign anyone as an occupant and most everyone in the palace avoided it as if it was bad luck.

 

It was the perfect place if one wanted to be alone.

 

“What is it?” his mentor hissed, sitting in the space between the windows, as if worried about being seen.

 

“What are you doing here? Did Thor find you—”

 

His question seemed to galvanize the man and he winced at the sudden, fierce glare. “Speaking of Thor...”

 

“I didn't think it was such a big deal, helping him find you,” Merlin said, guessing that this might be the problem. He was rewarded for his correct guess by an eye twitch. “Did something happen?”

 

“Did something happen, he asks.” Rather than answering, leaving that sarcastic response be the only one to his question, Loki continued, “Have you seen him again since then?”

 

“I think I spotted him across the courtyard. He was heading for the stables, so I assume he wanted to ride somewhere for a bit.”

 

A complicated look appeared on the man's face, a mix of a dozen emotions that Merlin just didn't have the time to figure out since it was there and then gone so quickly. “For future reference, Merlin, you may be powerful in time, but you aren't now. You ever help Thor find me again, I will make your life a misery.”

 

While the threat, and the accompanying deadly look made a shiver go down his spine, there was something more there. Almost as if a plea to never do it again. What happened between the two? “Promise. Are you hungry? It's almost lunch time.”

 

“No. In fact, your training will resume tomorrow.”

 

“What? Why not today?”

 

“Because I said so! Now leave me!”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes a little at the dramatic behavior and turned to leave, but stopped. He was always a stubborn one and something just kept him there. So instead, he closed the door and sat down next to Loki without saying a word. The man glared at him. “Didn't you hear me?”

 

“I did.”

 

“What are you still doing here then?”

 

“My feet hurt. This is as good a place as any to skive off shining Arthur's boots,” he said without looking at his mentor. For a moment, he thought the man might make him, but when neither of them said anything else, he figured he wouldn't be forced to leave so long as he didn't say anything. So he wouldn't. For now, at least.

 

-0-

 

Loki had mixed feelings at hearing Thor had left the castle after he'd disappeared. Part of him was more relieved than he could ever say that he was gone, for no matter how long. Another was livid with outrage. After what Thor had said, how could he _not_ follow him, try to find him? Did he love him or not?!

 

This was an outcome he had never seen coming. He wanted to _woo_ him? There were, of course, differences in languages, but in no language that Loki knew, and he knew a lot, did the term 'woo' mean anything other than to entice another partner into love. There was no other meaning to his words and Thor had made it abundantly clear, with the look in his eyes and his words, that it meant more than just a brotherly love. There had been something deep, mesmerizing in that blue gaze, and he'd almost, almost leaned in...

 

What by the beard of Odin did Thor think he was playing at? Did he think that Loki might agree? Did he not think of what this would do to their—his father? And if, by all that was holy, he did love him, then why did he treat him as he had for years? Was it that silly notion that boys picked on those they loved? No, that couldn't possibly be it.

 

And what had possessed Thor to just _say it_ like that? He was not some maiden to fall under his brother's charms so easily. Jealousy over his relationship with Merlin? There was nothing there, barely a student and teacher! Even if there wasn't the clear love triangle going on as it was in this palace, did Thor have to place _him_ in the mix too? Wasn't it complicated enough?

 

His apprentice remained beside him in complete silence, staring at his shoes or the wall, seemingly lost in thought of his own at times. He'd told the boy to leave, but he'd stubbornly refused...yet he hadn't been annoying about it, forcing him to speak when he wasn't willing to. He was just...sitting there. Next to him, their shoulders touching.

 

Perhaps what made him speak was a perverse desire to see those around him in as much turmoil as he found himself in, because he just couldn't take it if he was the only one like this. Maybe hearing Thor so...bravely, or stupidly, confessing made him want to pass it along. Or maybe he did it out of spite that Merlin could be stupidly happy and oblivious like he had been up until an hour or two ago.

 

“Merlin.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You and Arthur.”

 

Blue eyes looked at him curiously. Was he truly that oblivious? Did he not _feel_ the tension in the air between them? No, no one should be blind to such things. If Loki was not allowed to live in that obliviousness of unknowing, neither was anyone else!

 

“What about us?” the boy prompted when Loki didn't ask a question.

 

For just a moment, Loki had a twinge. Merlin was just so much like him in his youth and he was causing such turmoil in his life...but Loki would not allow his life to follow the same course as his own had. Some traitorous whisper in his mind said that if Thor had spoken up sooner, perhaps everything that had happened could have been avoided and maybe he should stop it before it became that way with these two.

 

“Do you not feel the tension between you two?”

 

Those eyebrows drew down. “About what? He's been okay the last few weeks about my magic...”

 

“ _Sexual_ tension, Merlin.”

 

Red flooded the young man's cheeks. “ _What_?! What are you—With Arthur—Arthur is with Gwen—I'm not!”

 

Loki braced his chin on his hand and looked at him long and hard. He couldn't help teasing Merlin just a little, an evil internal grin at least briefly calming him, as he said, “You've never felt the urge to have Arthur spread your legs? Not once? You've never looked at him with longing in your eyes or with jealousy when Gwen stands closely next to him?”

 

He thought he might have given Merlin a stroke for a moment, he was so red. “N-N-No!”

 

“You're thinking about it now, though, aren't you?” The way their eyes wouldn't meet confirmed his suspicions. “There's nothing wrong with that.” He looked at his fingernails as if this wasn't a big deal. “It isn't as if he doesn't stare at you the same way. He's been looking at your rear for some time now.”

 

“Arthur _doesn't_ look at me like that!” Loki made a sound of disbelief and Merlin stood up and repeated, “He _doesn't_! Don't take whatever your feeling over what Thor said to you out on me!”

 

Loki's amusement vanished and his eyes narrowed. “This has nothing to do with Thor and I,” he lied. “I merely thought I would encourage your romantic feelings for your friend and let you know that you would have at least one person you could talk to about it without feeling judged.”

 

The last part was actually true, though that had not been his original intention. Looking into those blue eyes, Loki saw the same confusion there as he felt in himself after Thor's confession, the same emotions. At least he wasn't the only one now feeling like this. Perhaps feeling trapped, Merlin turned and quickly left the room and all Loki could think was that he understood that impulse far too well.

 

-0-

 

Arthur wiped his sweaty face in the armory with a cloth, tossing off the heavy armor with a clang on the table. His knights had finished and left, leaving him alone, and where the hell was Merlin? No matter how he called or where he went, he could not find his wayward servant. What was he doing now? He better not be out with Loki practicing if he wasn't there.

 

He wasn't sure why he insisted on still being there after all this time when it was proven that Loki was not about to burn his kingdom to the ground. Perhaps it was because Merlin's magic fascinated him. Maybe it was the smile on his friend's face as he grew overjoyed like a school child at finally being able to show off what he could do to his friend, trusting that Arthur wouldn't execute him. He had still kept the secret for now, not telling Camelot of his manservant's abilities, but it didn't seem to bother Merlin. He seemed, in fact, content now that he and his knights knew. He had never realized the restlessness and the tension that Merlin had always held until it wasn't there anymore.

 

“Did you finish the training of your knights already?”

 

He looked up, spotting the otherworldly prince standing there. He wore no cape this time, but otherwise remained the same as the first time they'd seem him the day before. “For the day, yes. Other duties won't wait.”

 

“Being a king is not as easy as it seems,” Thor agreed, moving forward. “A shame. I was hoping a spar with you, since Loki will probably avoid me for the next few days...moreso than he was before.”

 

Letting the cloth rest over his shoulders, Arthur sat down on the bench, gesturing the man to join him. “Why is he avoiding you?” he asked, reaching for a tin cup of water left behind by Leon for him.

 

“I confessed my intention to woo him.”

 

Arthur choked on the water at hearing that, turning to stare in stunned amazement. He wasn't unfamiliar with male couplings, in fact he'd engaged once or twice in them to assuage need without fear of pregnancy, but for him to just boldly admit it... Such things were common among royalty, but it was never spoken of publicly or even privately. It just happened and everyone turned a blind eye.

 

“Isn't he... You said he was your brother!”

 

“I'm sure he told you that blood did not tie us, but it would not matter. I have been in love with him long before I knew his actual parentage. It may seem strange, paradoxical even, to love a man as a brother and also as a lover. In my heart, he will always be my little brother, but I also love him in a romantic sense.”

 

He wasn't quite sure how to take that. Something about the matter-of-fact, yet resigned nature of the man next to him kept him in his seat, more concerned than shocked right then. Thor appeared almost despondent, something he had never associated with the man before. Even though he'd only met him yesterday, it just didn't seem like him. “I take it he didn't react well.”

 

“I...am not sure of his reaction. He did what I expected, which was run away...eventually, but he stayed to hear me out at least. I have no proof of his feelings to give me hope, so I don't know whether I should actively pursue him. I do feel as if a weight has been lifted from me now that he is aware of what I harbor for him. That does not mean he will even be near me any time soon.”

 

Unbidden Arthur thought of Merlin and what he might feel if the man avoided him, which both sent a pang of pain and confusion through him. Why should it matter if Merlin avoided him, other than to bring annoyance that he wasn't doing his job?

 

“Does this cause you concern?”

 

He blinked. “What?”

 

“I am aware that other cultures are not as...permissive of male relationships. Does it bother you?”

 

Arthur tested his feelings and shook his head slowly. “Not really, I don't think. I'm mostly shocked that you came out and admitted it. Things like this happen among royalty here, but it's never spoken of or acknowledged, and only until a wife is chosen so that the bloodlines remain strong and no bastards are contending for the throne. I can't help but admire the bravery for even speaking the words.”

 

Thor gave him a look, as if he knew something that Arthur didn't, but instead clapped the young king on the shoulder. “Thank you. At least there is someone to speak of this with and it fills me with relief that you will listen.”

 

“Do your parents—I mean, father know?” He winced internally at mentioning parents, remembering Loki's comment about his mother.

 

“I have never told him, or anyone, about my feelings. At times in my life, I would swear that he would look at me and _know_ what it is I was thinking about Loki, be them...erotic thoughts or just my love in general, but other times he seemed so unaware. If he knows, then he has not spoken of it, for or against.”

 

He sighed. “You have it rough, Thor. Not just your relationship of the past, but what he's done.”

 

Thor nodded, but was looking at him keenly. “I am surprised you are not upset at hearing what he's done. Why have you allowed him to stay, knowing this?”

 

“He hasn't done anything here,” Arthur said honestly. “I cannot treat a man as a criminal if he has committed no crimes in my kingdom. He told us in great detail what he did, almost as if to provoke me into doing something, but I see no reason to imprison him for something he did elsewhere when he has done nothing but become a useful ally here.”

 

“Has he spoken of his reputation to you?”

 

“A little. Something about him being called a Liesmith or a manipulator.”

 

“It does not concern you that he might be doing that here?”

 

“Merlin would stop him if he was,” Arthur said simply. If anyone would see it coming, his manservant would. All the things that had ever happened around them, Merlin always knew before anyone else and often had it stopped before it could cause any problems. “Or he would tell me and I would stop him. Right now, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, as I have seen nothing to question that he is completely honest...as honest as he can be, I think.” Finally he looked back at the old warrior. “Are you?”

 

Thor was smiling so wide it must hurt. Arthur didn't really understand why he was so happy. “I am not. I have seen Loki happier here than anytime at home, except perhaps when we were children. He has come to view this place as something he has to protect. He would fight me if I attempted to return him to Asgard, not just because of his imprisonment but because he would not want to leave here. He would never tell you that this is the reason, of course.”

 

“Loki always said you were dense.”

 

“He wants to believe that. I think it would unnerve and upset him if he realized that I know more about him and his emotions than he thinks I do.”

 

Arthur shook his head and stood up, stretching a bit. “Our spar will have to wait for another day, I'm afraid and Camelot will wait for no king. If you need me to talk to, however, come find me.” He tilted his head and added after a minute of thought, “I will not stand in your way of any relationship, nor do I insist secrecy. If it is your choice to keep it quiet, then it will be _your_ choice. My kingdom is one that will welcome all in good faith until proven otherwise.”

 

Thor was beaming by that point as he stood as well. “You are a wise king, Arthur, particularly for your age. I wish I had learned such lessons you have much sooner and it hadn't taken banishment and the unraveling of everything I had known to teach me.”

 

He shifted in embarrassment and quietly admitted, “I wasn't always like this. I'll never tell him this, but Merlin had an impact on me. I really was as bad as you say you were until I met him.”

 

As he turned to leave, Thor's hand dropped on his shoulder. “Arthur, son of Uther, if you have need to speak of your feelings, I will be here for you as well.”

 

“Feelings about what?”

 

“Merlin. Surely you see you speak of him with the same love I speak of Loki, do you not?”

 

It felt like the world had dropped out from underneath him.

 

-0-

 

Thor watched as the knowledge flooded Arthur's face. Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned it, as it appeared as if the young king had been oblivious to his own feelings. It had been obvious, even to him, that there were feelings between the two men, which didn't matter one whit to his jealousy of Merlin, and he had just assumed Arthur's relationship with Gwen had been a cover.

 

“Should I have not said anything?”

 

The blonde man rubbed his face and shook his head. “You're mistaken, Thor. There's nothing between Merlin and I.”

 

“Of course, that is obvious, but are you denying that you feel for him regardless?”

 

There was a tenseness to the shoulder beneath him, as if he debated about whether he should run or not. He didn't even need to imagine the internal fight going on over this revelation, as he had gone through it himself. He had not intended to meddle or change the course of things; he honestly had thought the man knew and had only desired to let him know that there was someone there to comfort him on the worst of the days.

 

The words that he spoke didn't seem to meant for anyone in particular. “Wow... How did I not see it before?”

 

“Sometimes the things most important to know are the hardest to see.”

 

Arthur continued as if he hadn't heard him. “I always wondered why something felt off with Gwen. At the time it had felt right, but...she had been so close to Merlin. She had... _flirted_ with Merlin. Could I have...wooed her to get her away from him... so she wouldn't take him...without even knowing?”

 

The man let his head fall back, staring at the ceiling and half-paced, half stumbled around the room in his realization. “I've gone to the ends of the earth for that man. I couldn't bear the thought of him dying. I fought a damn cockatrice and spiders for him! I was imprisoned by my own father for leaving to save him! I can't even count the other times that I swore I would never let him die...and I never saw it!”

 

Arthur finally looked at him. “How can I be so stupid, Thor?! How did I not see how much I... _love_ that idiot?! Am I that blind?! He was right there all along and I just...everything I did, I did for him and I just... It's like his magic! It was right there in front of me and I never saw it. _How_ could I never see it, when it was so damn blatant?!”

 

Thor let the man rant about his mental prowess, waiting until he calmed. He watched as the man kicked a table leg, looking surprisingly angry at himself. “What upsets you?”

 

“What I could have done if I'd known!”

 

“What prevents you from doing something now?”

 

“I—” The answer he'd had prepared faded before it was spoken. “Nothing. I...haven't married Gwen. I haven't even proposed... I was going to, eventually, but I just ended up putting it off. There is...no reason that I can't end our relationship and court Merlin.”

 

Thor couldn't help sharing a smile with Arthur as the man came to that realization. “I will help however I can if you need me.”

 

“We'll see.” A grin was forming, an almost delightfully evil grin, on the king's face before he turned to Thor. “Let us make a pact, Thor.”

 

“A pact?”

 

“We're going to win over those we love. You don't give up, and I don't give up.”

 

“Pacts are not given lightly in Asgard, Arthur.”

 

“Nor are they here,” was the serious reply. The king reached out and grabbed an ornate sword. “I swear on Excalibur itself, I will get Merlin and swear that I will not give, nor let you give up on gaining Loki.”

 

Thor could see this was no passing fancy, empty words, to Arthur. There was a deep conviction in his eyes that stoked Thor's. His own had become a weak thing, worn down from centuries of his love and his convinced he would never win him. He had never had hope, so he had never spoken of it and by the time he realized he should have, it had all come down around him.

 

Seeing the man's determination, he knew that that could not be the end of the matter. Pulling Mjolnir from his belt, he reached over and let the heavy hammer touch Excalibur's blade. “Through Mjolnir do I swear the same.”

 

The weapons were set aside after a moment and Arthur said, “I really do have to do some paperwork, but Merlin will know where to find me if you need me.”

 

Thor nodded, feeling a sense of hope rekindled slightly. This may not be as hopeless as he thought.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Loki had successfully avoided Thor for about a week, playing the odds that when he finally had to see his brother again, he would be so successfully demoralized that... That what? He would win? Win what? This was no game, it was Thor's feelings. His feelings for _him_. That he apparently had tried to use Jane Foster to extinguish and failed. That was _if_ Loki believed him and he wasn't sure he did.

 

His gamble didn't work. When Thor finally found him, Loki didn't have time to react. Caught on the rooftops, Thor grabbed him from behind and jumped into the air with him. Loki denied he gave an undignified screech of surprise. Before he had a chance to use his magic, they were beyond the city and Thor had landed them into the forest, away from everyone.

 

“What are you doing?!” he hissed, stumbling away and wishing he hadn't met his brother's eyes. Instead of demoralizing the man, his absence had only made him more determined.

 

“We have to talk and I will not have you running from me again.”

 

“You do realize you are not blocking my power. I can leave at any time.”

 

He grunted as Thor, without warning, pulled his arm back and threw Mjolnir at him, knocking him down. The heavy hammer remained on his chest and it was the one thing he found himself an idiot for not taking into account. Whatever it was about Mjolnir acted in a way to suppress his magic.

 

Thor knelt next to him and he felt a frisson of fear run through him at being effectively helpless there. “I want to talk, Loki.”

 

“Well clearly I have nowhere else to be, so talk,” he said dryly.

 

“I have not given up on you, but I will do nothing you won't like. Please stop hiding from me.”

 

“How can I trust that? If what you're saying was true, you must have repressed your desire for a long time.”

 

Something flashed in Thor's eyes, annoyance and perhaps anger at the implication that he might hurt him. “Yes, I have a desire for you, Loki. It would be simple and easy to rip off your clothes and take you...but I would never do that to you. I would not even take a single kiss from you that you did not seek to give me. You mean far too much to me.”

 

He could sense no falsehoods from his brother. “Prove it. Remove Mjolnir. Give me my freedom to leave...if I choose.”

 

“Do you promise you will not run and we will speak?”

 

“No. That is my _choice_ and I will not relinquish the right to it. You have no guarantee I will not leave...but you have no guarantee that I will either. I suppose you'll just have to _trust me_.”

 

He thought for sure that Thor wouldn't do it, would be incapable of trusting him, but the man reached out and removed Mjolnir, setting her on the grass beside them. There were no ill-effects from the hit, despite not wearing armor and that was probably due to the fact that Thor didn't want to hurt him. Mjolnir was nothing if not a loyal mistress.

 

He slowly sat up, but despite his consideration of it, he didn't flee. “Talk then, if it is so important.”

 

Loki instinctively flinched at seeing that hand lift, but the touch, callused though it was, was gentle on his cheek. “I would seek to woo you, Loki, but I have no idea how. You are an enigma most times to me and my insights into you not as clear or as often as I would like.”

 

“Why do you think I would ever tell you _how_ to do any of that?”

 

“Please, Loki. What harm could it do to tell me more of what might help me know you? If you are so certain that you would never fall for me, then telling me will mean nothing.”

 

_I'm not certain of that, you idiot! Why do you think I avoided you?!_ He kept his internal thoughts to himself, not letting them betray on his face. He had acknowledged to himself at least that there was a spark in him for his brother, but what had gone on between them was too much. He couldn't trust Thor, or his feelings. He didn't want to have to go through betrayal and hurt all over again. It was bad enough when they were only brothers, but lovers would make it that much worse.

 

“I am not to be won over as you would a woman, despite my appearance,” he hissed, deciding that it was in his best interests to at least make a few things clear so he wouldn't have to deal with some insipid and annoying behavior later. The last thing he wanted was to be suddenly showered with flowers and chocolate and other manner of stupid things.

 

“I never thought you would.”

 

Loki sighed and ran a hand through his hair, both annoyed and tired of what would no doubt just waste time when Thor decided on a whim that Loki was not what he wanted after all. “Thor, you have known me since I was a babe. Surely you know me enough to 'woo' me.”

 

“You have changed so much since then.”

 

“Have I?” he asked, watching Thor blink. “Do you believe that my core being, my likes and dislikes, have changed so dramatically you think you don't know me?” He stood up and brushed off his clothes, teleporting away and letting Thor think it through. He had told him nothing his brother did not already know and it wasn't as if this would amount to anything anyway.

 

-0-

 

Loki had taken up residence in a plushy, comfortable chair in the library when Thor found him a few hours later. Heavy, firm hands landed on his shoulders and he tensed instinctively, only to find the thumbs kneading into his skin to ease the tension away. “What have you come to bother me about now?” he asked, unable to keep a rough, pleased edge to his voice coming to the surface at the massage.

 

Thor sat on the edge of the chair, leaning against him lightly and peered down at the book he was reading. “What is this?”

 

“A book. I would have thought that was obvious, even to you.”

 

Thor rolled his eyes, but didn't take the bait. “What about?”

 

“The history of this place. I grew curious.”

 

There was a few moments of silence and Loki was sure that his brother would leave in a minute, as he did in his youth. Thor had never been able to remain in the library, enjoying the quiet when they had been children. When his brother stood, Loki told himself that he wasn't disappointed that nothing had changed in that regard. He refused to even look up from his book.

 

It was the sound of a chair lightly scraping over the stone that lifted Loki's head and he watched in surprise as his brother reached over and pulled another chair near his. They were close enough that the arms of the chairs were pressed together and he could feel the heat of his brother's body next to him. Though he watched him suspiciously, Thor did nothing overt and finally went back to his reading. His nerves were on high alert, though, listening for every movement his brother made. This was different.

 

Loki almost jumped when he felt fingers touch the back of his right hand. “I never thought I would be able to touch you again.”

 

_Neither did I._ Rather than speak the thought, he snorted with a derisiveness he didn't feel, too distracted by the soft stroking of the back of his hand to really mean it. “I didn't realize you even wanted to,” he said, giving him a sharp look, but not pulling back.

 

“You have no idea how much I wanted to, but I couldn't let myself in my youth. I feared my control.”

 

“You don't now?”

 

“No. Age may not bring wisdom, but it does bring experience.”

 

Though Loki waited for more inane comments, there was nothing else. Granted, Thor's soft voice, something he had never heard before and that blended in nicely with the quiet instead of breaking it, eased something in his spine. He relaxed into his chair after a moment, his concern lessened enough that he tried to put his brother completely out of his mind to read. His head ended up resting near the edge of the chair as he situated himself to continue reading. “If you want to stay, I require your silence. If you can't do that, leave.”

 

Much to his surprise, Thor remained quiet, doing nothing but sitting there with him and Loki even caught him reading a little of it. An hour passed in complete peace and for the first time in years, Loki felt at ease. There was a calmness in his heart and he desired nothing more than to not move. He didn't understand how Thor's presence, something that before always made him bristle, ended up having the opposite effect.

 

How had Thor managed to change so much when he wasn't looking? He had sworn that his brother would be incapable of just sharing the same space in quiet as Loki. Before, Thor had always seemed to almost vibrate with energy, unable to sit still for long periods and never to keep his silence. The only times he'd come to the library had been to find Loki and drag him away, never to join him to read.

 

He hadn't realized that his eyes had half closed in his thoughts, paying less attention to the book, or that Thor had become so close their heads were almost touching. The rhythmic motion of his brother's fingers had lulled him into an almost half-aware state as a contentment filled him that he'd sworn not months before was impossible. As he shifted his head, their eyes caught, a timeless moment passing between them. He had no desire to read the thoughts that went through his brother's blue eyes and so, for the first time in his life, he didn't. He just let them both be as they were.

 

It seemed like an age as their mouths slowly gravitated together and there was the sweetest of touches, the briefest of chaste kisses. There was a moment, a pause, as Thor watched him and waited, but when he didn't pull away, he leaned in a little more for a slightly firmer touch. Loki didn't argue; he didn't want to, because it felt surprisingly right. A surge of warmth was going through him, but he felt no worry over it. Another kiss made his eyes flutter closed.

 

If it hadn't been for Thor moving his hand to touch his face, he could have remained that way forever. It jerked him back into reality, what they were doing, and he sat up quickly, glaring. “Thor! Do not seduce me!”

 

His brother blinked, but there was a smile on his lips, not seeming at all upset that Loki had pulled back. “I seek to woo you, Loki. Seducing is part of that.” As Loki realized the implications of that, that likely there might be more kisses in the future, Thor continued, “Your lips were soft and heavenly, brother. I have never felt the like.”

 

Feeling a blush creep up on him, he glared at the man and quickly teleported Thor away. Anywhere. If he landed in a river, all the better.

 

-0-

 

Thor was not one to give up, Loki noticed. He had not failed to find him at least once a day no matter how he tried to avoid him. The only time he was generally safe was when he was with Arthur or Merlin and sometimes not even then. If he'd thought his brother was capable of being devious, he would have called him that, but how could one be devious if he flat out stated the reason he was doing something?

 

What happened in the library haunted him. The feeling of those lips against his own, the slight scratchiness of his brother's beard, were emblazoned on his memory. It wasn't like he had expected it would feel like. He thought it would feel strange, wrong probably, as if Thor would treat him like a lesser being somehow...but it hadn't felt like any of that. It had felt simple yet delightful, a show of his affections and nothing more.

 

He wasn't sure if that upset him or not. He had felt no _lust_ in those lips. If Thor, despite his words, could feel no physical desire for him, weren't his feelings a moot point? How could Thor know that the love he felt was for a partner, not a brother, if a physical desire was not present in them?

 

Loki frowned at his thoughts, having taken refuge on the parapets once again. At least this way, he would be able to see Thor coming. He felt tense, ready to spring, and almost did when the door opened. He only relaxed when he saw his apprentice jogging toward him.

 

“Ready for your training early?”

 

Merlin shook his head. “No, not yet. I still have clean Arthur's clothes.” A grimace was thrown his way, showing just how much he wanted _that_ particular task. “Still, at least I can use a little magic here and there to help me get through it more quickly.” Loki's look of 'Then why are you here?' only made the boy grin and explain.

 

“Dart throwing?” he said, mystified, at Merlin.

 

“Arthur bought out the tavern just for his use tonight and said we could come. He's never offered or done that before! We need to take advantage of it while we can!”

 

Loki pursed his lips, suspicious by nature at this, and said, “He's never done that before?”

 

Merlin paused and rolled his eyes as he seemed to sense where Loki was going with the question. “I don't know what you're worried about. It's Arthur. He never has ulterior motives about anything. He's too honest. Are you going to come?”

 

Though his eyes narrowed and he scoffed that such a thing was beneath him, Loki found himself walking into the empty tavern anyway. Merlin was already there with Thor and he growled a little under his breath at how they were becoming 'such good friends'. Deciding that he would ignore what caused the little growl, pushing that flutter of slight jealousy deep inside, the god of trickery merely ignored the look sent his way by his brother when he noticed him. He quickly rallied his control and stalked in, dropping down in a chair and bracing his feet on the edge of the table. A pile of darts was nearby and a very worn dart board up on the wall.

 

“While I was not expecting you, Thor, at least this makes it simple to best you, particularly with an audience.”

 

Thor grinned. “You think you can best me?”

 

“I have before.”

 

“When I was drunk.”

 

“When you were sober as well. Would you like me to list the times?”

 

Before it could devolve into either an argument or Loki listing every one of the times he'd won against Thor, the door opened and Arthur stepped in. “Good to see you all made it! The others can't make it, so it's just us four. It's enough for a competition, though.”

 

His suspicious soul wondered at that, giving Arthur a sharp look, but there was no proof to the speculation that this was a set-up, and if it was, who was the mastermind. “It won't be a competition, but a slaughter,” he said easily, flicking a dart between his fingers.

 

“No magic, you two,” Arthur added. “That's rule number one.”

 

“You mean three. While Thor is _hardly_ more than a child, magically, he does have some.”

 

Thor laughed and shook his head. “It is very little. I might as well have none at all. Any I do have is more...battle-oriented.”

 

Arthur went first and Loki raised an eyebrow at the precision of it. He was good...though by far not the best. Merlin was absolutely laughable, barely hitting the board at all sometimes. Thor was third and he hit the mark most of the time. It surprised him by waking an old, dusty competitive nature between him and his brother.

 

He stood, grabbing the darts from the man. “Shall we make a personal wager?”

 

Thor's eyebrow rose and a grin was thrown his way. “Are you that confident you can beat me?”

 

“I am more than confident. It is assured, and our estimable king here will be the judge of who wins.”

 

Arthur grinned a bit, leaning back in his chair. “I _am_ known for my honesty.”

 

“Since when?” Merlin chortled.

 

“Quiet, you. What are the terms?”

 

Loki tapped his chin as he thought. “If I win, I demand a boon of Thor and he with me. It can be anything we desire...within reason, of course,” he added with a glare at Thor. “It must be an honorable boon. The king here will determine if it _is_ honorable and if it is, there can be no decrying it.”

 

Arthur nodded. “Loki, you go first then.”

 

Confident of his skills despite his lack of practice, Loki threw the first dart and hit almost dead center. He smirked at Thor, but it faltered a little as he saw the smoldering stare of his brother. It felt as if hands were running over him and he glared, but couldn't find any reprimand for him. He technically wasn't doing anything, just standing there with his arms crossed. Trying to shake it off, he turned back to the board and threw another. It missed the center, going further out and he cursed. Thor was such a distraction! He wasn't even _doing_ anything and he was a distraction!

 

While he did manage to get two in the center, some of his darts had gone farther off than he had anticipated, though he at least hit the board all the time. Arthur tallied the points as Loki reluctantly handed the darts over to Thor, who seemed to take his chance to stroke his fingers as they touched briefly. He snatched them back quickly as it brought to mind the library a few days ago.

 

Part of him considered a little magic to assure his win, but he just couldn't do it. He would win over Thor fairly, all the more to show him how inferior his brother was. “Hmm, what boon should I ask, I wonder. Perhaps a rune-infused dagger made with your own hands? I have need of new daggers, as your father took my last. Shall I even demand that you _leave_ this world and not return?” He ignored the slight pang that his words caused in his own heart. “Perhaps nothing so drastic. Simply requesting that you not set eyes on me for three months could be enough.”

 

Thor didn't even seem to hear him, so concentrated on the board and his first dart hit center with a thud. Loki frowned and clenched his fist, but didn't do anything. He crossed his arms over his chest so that it wouldn't be noticed by the others. Merlin was watching him and he would know of any magic, and Merlin himself was too honest. He wouldn't understand what losing this could mean. He had no idea what kind of things Thor might ask for a boon.

 

Neither did Loki. For once, Thor's thoughts were a mystery to him.

 

Each successive thunk made him twitch and he stared unbelievably at the board. All but two had hit dead center. Arthur shook his head. “Thor wins. What boon does the god of thunder want?”

 

Thor's blue eyes met his green and Loki hoped he didn't look as wary as he felt. “I would ask a kiss, as a boon.”

 

There was a moment of silence and Arthur chewed on his lip. “I'm unsure how honorable a boon that is, Thor.”

 

Of course he would ask that! Loki grit his teeth, but it was only a kiss. Nothing more. No inappropriate touching. Just a kiss. “I will honor it,” he said, pride stoked. It shouldn't be that big a deal. They'd had a kiss or two in the library and this would be simple, no different. There would be _no_ butterflies in his stomach this time.

 

But instead of moving forward, Thor grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it instead, which only made Loki angrier. What had he told him?! “Is that all you wanted, Thor? Is that content enough for you?!” Where was the passion his brother assured him he had? This was all just a game to him, wasn't it? “Are you concerned I would back out of a wager because I lost?!”

 

Thor blinked as he straightened up, looking surprised. “No, I—”

 

He would not be slighted like this! Quickly reaching forward, Loki gripped Thor's armor and yanked him forward into a kiss. Thor's surprise disappeared quickly and strong arms wrapped around Loki's waist in an instant, gripping him tightly as if afraid he would disappear. It was passionate, fierce, and he could feel the hands gripping the back of his shirt, as if Thor was so close to just ripping it off him.

 

Primal and powerful, it was everything those kisses in the library weren't. A faint whimper escaped him as their tongues began to play together. He stumbled, Thor with him and his back hit the table, a skidding sound invading, but not stopping them. Their hips were pressed close, letting him _feel_ just what this was doing to his brother, and he was almost sitting on the table by the time their lips broke. He wasn't sure who pulled away first, but his lips tingled and his heart gave a flutter he didn't expect.

 

Thor's eyes were dark with promise and passion, the arms solid and only after a minute, so slowly, did they release Loki. At least he wasn't the only one panting! Thor stepped back once, twice, but seemed incapable of speech. “Did you enjoy my boon, brother?” he asked, unsure of how he'd wanted the question to sound. Did he want to sound superior or angered? He didn't know and instead it ended up sounding a tad breathless.

 

There was a faint growl that was half a moan. “Loki—”

 

Remembering their audience and feeling like he was drowning in the depths of longing in Thor's eyes, he disappeared without hearing what his brother might say.

 

-0-

 

Thor left him alone for another week, which he both appreciated and hated. He couldn't tell what his brother's game was. He would be there, hounding him one minute, and then ignore him the next. Did he think that he was foolishly giving Loki 'space'? He scoffed at himself at that question, because it sounded like he _wanted_ Thor to constantly bother him. Didn't it?

 

So used to Thor just 'spiriting him away', he was surprised when the man approached him in the hallway of the castle. It was so simple, so strange, for him to do so compared to their last encounters. “What do you want?” he asked, voice sounding unnecessarily harsh. He wasn't even sure what was making him angry.

 

“Will you come with me?”

 

He blinked. “To where?”

 

Thor gestured vaguely in the direction of the entrance of the palace. “Out there. I have not seen much of this world and I confess I miss when it was just the two of us during our youth and going on our 'adventures'.”

 

“We are no longer children, Thor,” he spat, but he could honestly find no reason to say _no_ , per se. He had finished the training of his ward already and he had been very idle of late. He felt the need to stretch his legs. “Very well. As I have nothing better to do, I suppose I can accompany you.”

 

His brother grinned, sending his stomach into flips. Damn Thor. What did he think he was playing at? Why did he not feel that their relationship, as it were, was hopeless? They had been adversaries for too long, it would be impossible to change that, to go back to the way it was. The thought made him pause and he asked harshly, as they headed for the stables, “You know nothing can go back to the way it was, you must know that. Not even you can be so foolish to believe it can.”

 

The god of thunder shook his head and answered, without looking at him, “I do not desire to go back to the way it was. Even if it were possible, there were great flaws back then and I have no desire to repeat them. I want us to create something different, something new.”

 

Could he, perhaps, be telling the truth? Did he truly love him? He had felt the desire the week before during the dart contest and their kiss. He was physically capable of feeling desire for Loki, and he did seem to doing everything he could to make him feel at ease...

 

As Thor saddled the horses, Loki glared. “You truly expect me to believe that you love me, of all people?”

 

“I always have and I always will.”

 

It was such a simple statement to Thor, wasn't it? He didn't prevaricate his words, just said them as boldly as you please. He didn't seem to care who might be around to hear or what it might do to Loki to hear them. Did he not _know_ what this was doing to him? Or didn't he care that he had turned Loki into an absolute chaotic mess? He had not slept well since their confrontation in the old healer's quarters and Thor had haunted his every waking thought, stolen mental time that could have been used on other things, anything else. By what right did Thor think he had to completely take over his mind?!

 

He swung up into the saddle with irritation, glaring at Thor and quickly setting the horse into a gallop. Let Thor catch up. He was always the better rider than he was.

 

His brother was close behind him after a few minutes, but Loki only urged the horse to speed up. He wanted to outrun the thoughts, the feelings, the man that caused them. Things had been so simple once: he had been able to hate his brother in relative peace. He had found this place and decided to start something new here, away from old life and the jibes. This place had welcomed him and he had caught it early, before it could go down the darker paths Asgard had done. He had found a calling here, to guide these people on the right path and he had been content with that.

 

Then Thor had shown up _again_. Could he not have just left him like that? Why had he gone back to collect the body of the traitor? No one on Asgard would have allowed him to have a proper, honorable ceremony. Did Thor think he could change everyone's minds? If only he had had to the mind and the ability at the time to leave a copy of his body there, then he would have never seen his brother again.

 

The thought sent a pang through that he didn't like and he urged the horse faster, ignoring the call of his name from Thor behind him. The sky was clouding up, he could hear a faint rumble of thunder. He wasn't sure if this was Thor's doing or just a natural storm and it didn't matter. He thought back to his time on Midgard and smirked at himself, remembering his comment to the Iron Man about thunder. _“I'm not overly fond of what comes after_ ” indeed.

 

As the ground became more treacherous, he knew he should slow for caution's sake so the horse wasn't injured, but he refused. He leapt over a fallen tree just as the sky started to send drops of rain. One hit his nose, a light trickle at first that quickly turned into a downpour. It was as if the sky itself refused to let him find one moment of respite away from his brother.

 

So concentrated on his effort, he didn't pay attention to what the horse was signaling. A bolt of lightning hit a tree within inches of him and the horse reared with a terrified whinny, throwing Loki off. He landed with a pained grunt on the hard rocks beneath him. Before he could react, it had spun and taken off back the way they'd come. Thor's slid to a stop next to him, but as soon as he had dismounted, it followed it's stablemate.

 

“Loki?”

 

Thor at least knew better than to ask if he was hurt, because that wouldn't have caused any injury, except to his pride. “You did that on purpose!”

 

“This storm is not of my doing,” his brother argued, having to raise his voice over the downpour and the wind that began to pick up. Thor hauled him to his feet and Loki looked around. Apparently he had had them running up a stony hill that had a nearby fairly sharp drop. He was soaked to the skin, hair plastered to his head.

 

“Loki, come!”

 

He stumbled as Thor tugged him over to higher rocky base of the hill and it took him a minute to see what Thor had. There was a thin passage that led deeper into something that could be very charitably called a mountain range, but was hardly better than an overgrown hill. “I can just teleport us back!” he argued.

 

The god of thunder threw a grin at him. “How is that an adventure, Loki? I did not plan this, but it has certainly worked in our favor. Let us see what is in here!”

 

Though he rolled his eyes, Loki found himself following anyway. They had to turn sideways and inch along the crevasse to get deeper into the hillside, but eventually it opened up into darkness. Thor peered into the darkness and Loki let him briefly before he conjured a small ball of light. He blinked as he looked around. They were lucky they had not moved forward or they would have a fallen. There was just a small ledge they were standing on inside, and a steep slope of shale beneath their feet heading down into the earth below them.

 

“Is this hillside hollow?” he wondered aloud.

 

“Let us find out.” Before Loki could protest, Thor braced his feet on the shale and slowly began to work his way down, but the broken pieces of the rocks were not solid and soon he was sliding down, disappearing in a blink.

 

“Fool!” he hissed. Did he not remember he had the ability of flight?! Perhaps it would not work there, not enough wind, but what if the idiot hurt himself badly?! Loki dared not attempt to teleport, as he had no idea where he would be going, so he followed his brother's path down, trying to keep his feet and at the same time, not dislodging enough of it so they would start an avalanche.

 

It seemed to go on forever, but finally he felt solid ground near his feet. He stumbled to a stop, landing in Thor's arms who seemed to be deliberately waiting for him at the bottom. The light showed his brother grinning and he yanked back, flushing in embarrassment. “You did not need to catch me!”

 

“I would have never missed to the opportunity to do so, whether you needed it or not.”

 

“Stop flirting with me!”

 

“That is one request I cannot agree to.”

 

He rolled his eyes, smacked his brother on the arm, and looked around. There was solid stone underneath their feet and a cave entrance nearby that he curiously approached. There was the faint hint of drops of water into a pool and he wondered if perhaps there was a small opening above wherever they were that would allow the moisture in.

 

Pausing, he lifted his light higher and almost gasped at what he saw. The whole cave almost sparkled as it reflected the mage light. Black stone, some of it looking a little bit crystallized with striations of white in it covered the ground that surrounded a deep pool of water. Stalactites were abundant from a ceiling high, high above them, enough that he couldn't see where the water might be escaping into the cavern from.

 

“This place appears untouched.”

 

The awe in Thor's voice echoed his own. It was a natural wonder, beautiful, and he had thought he'd lost the ability to appreciate something like this. They had explored all of Asgard together, seen all there was to see, and he thought such simple beauties like this would fail to cause such emotions in him anymore.

 

Loki reached out to touch a nearby cluster of stone. It was cool to the touch. “I have never seen the like.”

 

“...Neither have I.”

 

He glanced at his brother, but the man wasn't looking at the stone. His eyes were fixed on him instead. “What?” he asked, voice sharper at the staring.

 

“Nothing, just that I have not seen you look so awed in a long time. It is a thing of beauty to witness.”

 

“Would you _stop that_? I know that this idea of your love for me is just a passing fancy to you! It means nothing!”

 

“Why do you think it means nothing? Have I not been completely honest with you from the beginning?”

 

His fist clenched, hearing the splat of the water dripping from their wet clothes and hair as it filled the silence between them. He could find nothing to say to that, because it was the truth. Thor had been honest with him from the start. Loki's eyes narrowed as the man reached behind him into his belt and pulled something forward.

 

“Here.”

 

He leaned forward a bit, peering at it. It was a dagger in a sheath. “What is this?”

 

“You asked for it.”

 

He did? Cautiously, waiting to see if Thor would grab him, he took the dagger. Pulling it from the simple leather sheath, he saw the blade was rune-infused just as he had idly thought about in the dart contest. “I did not win,” he reminded him.

 

“You wanted it. I would give you anything, whether you win at a dart contest or not.”

 

Loki stared at the blade, eyes frozen on it, even though his attention was focused entirely on the heat he felt coming closer. Thor was right there, next to him, a hand sliding to his hip and just resting there. “Believe my sincerity,” was whispered in his ear and he felt the tip of Thor's cold nose against his cheek, the hot breath dancing around his neck.

 

“No. I cannot.”

 

“Why?”

 

“If I believe it in and it is the wrong choice...”

 

He left the result hanging, unsaid. He was finally starting to heal in this place. If Thor broke him again, now after everything, he would go absolutely mad and shatter. He was still picking up the pieces of who he was. To lose it all again...

 

“I would protect you from everything, Loki, even myself. You will always be safe with me. There is no harm believing my words, even if you do not return them. They will never change.”

 

Loki finally lifted his head and their lips passed one another in the slightest of touches. When had Thor become _that_ close? He sighed, finally giving in, and tilted his head just a little. Taking that as the agreement it was, the man swooped down to his lips. This kiss was neither the chaste ones they'd shared in the library, or the burning one in the tavern. This was a mix a both, a pouring out of Thor's feelings into his tongue, love and a hint of pleading to be let in to his heart.

 

So Loki allowed it. Just this once he would trust again, allow Thor his mangled heart once more. If he couldn't care for it this time, the consequences would be on his head. He felt those muscled arms go around him, pulling him close, and their hips became flush. The kiss took on a carnal bent before long and he found himself dropping the sheath of the dagger in favor of diving his hand into the wet blonde hair before him.

 

“Loki,” Thor whispered huskily when they broke apart for breath. The eyes were staring at him, dark with promise and a question.

 

“Rip them,” he ordered, giving Thor what he wanted. “Get them off me.”

 

Thor didn't wait and the ripping of the wet fabric was loud, echoing in the cavern, but he paid it no mind when those lips wrapped around his nipple, hard from the cold and the kiss. His pants fared no better, but they were not as completely ruined as his shirt. Slowly his brother made his way down his stomach until he was on his knees.

 

Loki's let out a gasp at the position and a small cry when he was encased in a burning, hot mouth. “Never...thought...you'd be on your knees...in front of me.”

 

Both hands gripped his head, even though he still held the dagger. It was pointed away from his brother, but even then, Thor seemed so confident, so trusting, that Loki wouldn't just stab him. The bastard knew that Loki wouldn't kill him.

 

Fingers eased to his rear, just rubbing for a time, warming him into the sensation, before a single digit entered. He hissed, tensing up, but Thor only pulled away enough to leave light kisses on his stomach, silently asking him to relax. “No other,” he hissed angrily. “No one else has had me like this, so if you—”

 

“This is not a moment of conquering,” his brother assured him, using the distraction to work a second finger in. “It is an honor. This will not be a source of gossip or derision.”

 

Perhaps he could dare to hope that Thor's words would be right here. They would not be in Asgard, it would be too obvious and there would be whispers about what he had allowed...but here he could be free and trust that at least those around him would not treat him that way. This place, this new young world, was free to mold into whatever he wanted and he knew what that was.

 

Finally his fingers dropped the dagger, hearing it clatter against the stone floor as he arched toward those sweet kisses. Thor had touched something deep inside him that made him want to howl. “Thor, give me...what I need!”

 

Instead of going back to pleasure him by mouth as he was worked wider, Thor only eased up higher on his knees, kissing further up, a direct contrast to the burning passion he was feeling. Loki's hazy eyes glared down at his brother. “Shirt off!”

 

Thor dared chuckle at him and stood up, removing his hand and stepping away. Loki sudden felt ice cold inside, but Thor went nowhere. He merely threw off his red shirt and pulled him close again, pressing a hard, large bulge into his hip. “I love you, Loki.”

 

The whispered words made him shudder and he allowed himself to be turned around, braced against the wall that was now in front of him. Thor's hips disappeared for a moment and then they were back and he felt hard flesh rubbing at the cleft of his rear. “Loki, what do you feel for me?”

 

The question was not what he wanted to hear. He couldn't possibly explain all the anguish, happiness, anger, bitterness, and delight that was all wrapped up in Thor's very being. Even as he felt Thor ease forward, pressing in, he bit his lip. It would take _years_ to explain it all, if he even could or wanted to. Thor should just know! He should just know all these conflicting thoughts and feelings that made him such a larger than life presence inside him so he wouldn't have to tell him!

 

As if his thought opened the floodgates, the moment Thor slid inside, he gasped. Something passed between them and it was almost as if he was hearing a heartbeat in his ears. Once, twice, three times and suddenly Thor groaned, pressing his head against the back of his neck. “Oh, Loki. I never realized...what you really felt...until now.”

 

Damn! He had completely forgotten about the bonding a Jotun went through with his mate. He had been curious enough to look up information on the Jotun once he'd found out what he was, but a partner had never crossed his mind. It was now permanent between them, unbreakable. He could feel the welling of emotions from Thor, the fierce protectiveness that would have him defending Loki until his dying breath, the absolute joy his feelings were returned, and the promise of a life together no matter if he had to give up the throne of Asgard.

 

“What...is this...Loki?”

 

“Jotun bond,” he panted as Thor lost the fight to remain still and began to rock his hips. “Permanent. We can..feel each other's emotions...” He knew that there would be a way, with practice, to limit what Thor felt from him and vice versa, but a welling screaming 'no' appeared in his chest. He knew that denial came from himself because now that he had felt it...

 

It was _glorious_. Thor had never been lacking in emotion. He had no reserves in war or in love, or what he felt. It was overwhelming and all consuming with him and _Loki_ was at the center of that pure _devotion_. He could see now that there was no way Thor would have ever been able to kill him, no matter if they were adversaries. He was the center of his brother's whole emotional world. How could Jane Foster ever compete with him? He had his heart, his soul, his every waking breath as his own. Thor loved him with a passion that was blinding and all-encompassing. No matter all the hurts, because he could feel those too, that Loki had ever given him, it had not changed anything.

 

He let out a cry of pleasure, not sure if it was from his brother's now deep thrusting or from the fact that he was drowning in Thor's emotions. It was both frightening and absolutely exhilarating. He had never known that the one thing he wanted most was something he'd already always had: Thor.

 

“Loki!” Thor gasped in his ear, moving faster and finally fumbling to grip him. Loki, returning the favor, shoved every bit of emotion at his brother to show him. He wanted to know how he felt? Then here it was!

 

The agonizing painful pleasure of his presence, how Thor drove him to absolute distraction and blind madness, the desire to just seep into his flesh so they could never be apart. That no matter how much he might yell at him to leave, he wanted the exact opposite. The anguish that he'd felt about never being good enough to stand beside Thor as an equal, to watching Thor slip away further and further; how the comments about his magic had cut into him from his friends and the despair that Thor had never argued with them. The desperate feeling of wanting Thor to just get him out of the mess he'd gotten himself into and couldn't get out, but too prideful to stop and ask for help. The fact that _he_ could never take that final step to kill his brother; the thought of the man not being there enough to crush his heart. Those were his feelings, his complicated, roiling love that could hurt as well as heal.

 

“Oh, Loki, you can make me cry with this,” Thor whispered, his hips pausing enough to hold him tight, as if he could never let go.

 

“You asked,” he spat harshly. “I seek no pity.”

 

“I give no pity, only empathy. Now hold tight, love.” Their fingers twined against the wall, that hand going back to stroking him deeply and suddenly he shouted, feeling as if he was riding a feral horse, unable to do anything but hold on lest he fall. He felt sorrow from Thor for the emotions he caused, but also understanding that it was just who Loki was. He was a prickly person, one to take slights far deeper than they deserved.

 

“T-Thor!” he hissed, unable to stop the rising pleasure. He wouldn't last much longer, drowning in both physical and emotional pleasure. Thor had no concept of a filter, just shoved all that emotion into his very core. It was like he'd touched at the very center of pleasure, sending his soul spiking, and he yelled as he released hard.

 

His brother wasn't more than a moment behind, biting his lip so he didn't roar his release right into Loki's ear. Panting echoed in the cavern as they slowly, as one, slid to the floor on their knees. “Loki,” was whispered in his ear, a reverent, awed sound that made him shiver even as he was pulled further back into that firm chest in a fit of love.

 

Trying to think straight, to be almost clinical about this, he explained, “Listen to me, Thor. You have to know about the Jotun bond.” He glared in front of him as he felt kisses placed up and down the sides and back of his neck, but he had to trust that his brother was paying at least a little bit of attention. “The bond is primal and does _not_ respond to higher thought. Jotuns mate for life, it is so deep, becomes a core part of your very being. You were always protective before, but you will be so much worse now. At the worst, if the bond is truly as deep as I fear it is, even the slightest concern of danger to me could make you...over-react. Unfortunately it is also vice versa. You may know in your head that what you are doing is unnecessary, but you may not be able to stop yourself.”

 

“How much worse can it be?”

 

His eyes narrowed at the glib question. Thor wasn't taking it as seriously as it had to be taken. This would affect him the rest of his life. “Imagine me in danger, Thor. Imagine me falling from the bridge in Asgard, or threatened by the Chitauri.”

 

The arms around him seized tightly and he gasped as their bodies were molded together, making him short of breath. Mjolnir, nearby on the stone floor, hummed dangerously. “Do you see now?” he asked. “You must be aware of this. It is a life-changing moment.”

 

“Can it be controlled?”

 

“I...do not know. There was no mention of it in the books I read, and it is entirely possible the Jotun never tried to control it. It may not be as bad as I fear.”

 

“But that would mean the bond would not be as deep.”

 

“...No, it wouldn't be.”

 

He felt a surge from Thor, a desire for the deepest possible bond that could exist, and Loki couldn't help but moan slightly at the feeling it gave him. It was heady, like he was drunk with power. “Thor!” he protested.

 

“What?”

 

“Be at least a little more aware of your emotions!”

 

He felt a wicked delight behind him and Thor easing him forward onto his hands and knees. “I will _try,_ brother, but I can make no promises.”

 

_That bastard_.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Merlin grew concerned every hour that passed since the horses had returned, soaked and fearful. He had seen Thor and Loki ride out together and even though he knew that they were akin to gods, he still worried over them. After three hours since the horses' return, he decided to chance seeing if perhaps Loki had merely teleported them back. He lightly knocked on his mentor's room door, poking his head in and not really expecting to find them there.

 

“Loki—”

 

“Thor, you know very well you've worn me out and I cannot even stand!”

 

He must have squeaked or made some noise, because Loki's head snapped to the doorway. “I-I'm so sorry, I didn't know! I just wondered if you'd returned—I can leave now!”

 

“Nonsense,” the man said with gritted teeth as his brother had pinned him to the bed and was kissing down his neck, both half-dressed. “Thor...was...just...leaving.”

 

Thor's head lifted and he grinned a little. “Leaving? Loki, I thought after everything, we would _share_ a room.”

 

His mentor gasped, though for no reason that Merlin could see and his eyes fluttered just a little. “You _bastard_. Do not do that!”

 

“Do what?”

 

Loki shifted in the bed, sounding a tad breathless. “That...is not fair,” he argued.

 

“Everything is fair in love, Loki,” Thor whispered heatedly, tugging at the man's chin and kissing him deeply. There was a faint little moan of delight and seeing Loki quickly kissing back, reaching up to tug Thor down over him, Merlin quickly slammed the door lest he see something he wasn't meant to. He had plenty of Arthur's shoes to shine!

 

He sped down the hall, almost skidding around the corner and only stopped when he heard a voice to his left. “What are you in such a hurry for?”

 

There was Arthur, of course there was Arthur, staring at him from the doorway into his bedroom. He never had any good luck. Of course he'd be in his bedroom before Merlin, catching him not working. He sighed and grinned. “Stretching my legs.” At the patented disbelief, he shrugged. “Okay, so I was worried about Loki and Thor when the horses came back in this weather and I went to see if they were there.”

 

“And were they?”

 

He blushed brightly. “Y-Yeah.”

 

His king eyed him and grinned a little. “Merlin, what did you see?”

 

“N-Nothing.”

 

“Ah. Nothing. Nothing is very interesting indeed.”

 

Much to his surprise, Arthur didn't press or tease him any further, instead turning and heading back into his room. There were quite a few papers strewn over the desk nearby and warm water in the tub to the left. His eyebrows raised. “Were you waiting for me? Can't even get undressed by yourself?” he teased.

 

“You know, I don't actually need you for _everything_ , Merlin. Besides, that's for you.”

 

His waited for the punchline, but there was nothing. “Wait, you're _serious_?”

 

Arthur twisted in his chair enough to brace his arm over the back of it. “Yes.”

 

“But...why?”

 

“Do I need a reason to be nice?”

 

“Well...yes!” he said after a minute. “You're _never_ nice to me.”

 

“Come now, never, Merlin?” The king stood up and crossed his arms. “Now get in that tub or are you waiting for _me_ to help you get undressed?”

 

There was a strange look in Arthur's eyes and he squeaked, quickly diving behind the changing curtain. Arthur had been _very_ strange the past week. He'd found a new, nice scarf for him on his bed the first day of the week and he'd thanked Gaius profusely, only to be told that it was Arthur that had dropped it off. The second day, he'd been given a free day with no chores at all. The third day he'd been flabbergasted when _George_ had come to his room with a tray of food. Breakfast. In bed. From Arthur! The fourth he'd started to get twitchy and almost decked Percival when he'd come up behind him, waiting for the shoe to drop. Instead, he'd been invited into one of Arthur's round table meetings, something that normally as the king's manservant, he generally wasn't allowed to be there. It was not as if he'd been forbidden, but since he'd never been specifically invited, he didn't think he was allowed.

 

The fifth and sixth day he'd been given a ring and earring respectively. Gaius had eyed both, particularly the ring, speculatively, but wouldn't give Merlin an answer when he asked what was wrong.

 

“Are you daydreaming, Merlin?”

 

He blinked, drawn out of his thoughts and almost jumping at the proximity of said voice. It felt as if Arthur was just on the other side of the room divider he was changing behind. He squeaked and it only took him seconds to quickly splash into the tub. Though he looked around almost suspiciously, Arthur wasn't to be seen.

 

The water was wonderful, piping hot, as if it had just been filled. He knew that wasn't the case, as he was well aware how much work it took to fill it up, but that was one of the benefits of his magic. He'd actually enchanted the tub that it would consistently heat the water in it. That at least cut out half the work of the servants that had to drag the water up there.

 

He was just leaning back against the tub when he felt hands gripping his shoulders. Merlin yelped in surprise and would have hit the ceiling, if Arthur hadn't held him still. “What are you so jumpy about?” the king asked, with a light laugh in his voice.

 

“Because you're being weird!” he argued and tried not to moan and arch when his king, his _king_ , began to massage his shoulders. He began to really wonder if Arthur might be under an enchantment of some kind, but if he was, then why was it focusing on Merlin? Maybe it was meant for someone else, but it happened to latch onto the first person that Arthur saw and that happened to be him? “Did anything strange happen to you a week ago?” he asked.

 

“What? Why the question?”

 

“Well, you could be enchanted!”

 

“So I need to be under an enchantment to be nice?”

 

Okay, now Arthur was sounding annoyed and he hastened to make it better before he was thrown out this nice tub and lost his massage. “No, not at all, you're perfectly capable of being nice without an enchantment!”

 

“But?”

 

“But you're usually not this nice _to me_.”

 

Instead of answering the implied question, Arthur changed the subject, leaning over him a bit. The king had rolled up his sleeves to his elbows as if he'd been preparing for this for a bit. There was a small bucket with a sponge and soap nearby and was Arthur really planning on bathing him too? Wasn't this supposed to be the other way around? “I'm glad to see you're wearing what I gave you.”

 

Merlin followed his friend's gaze to his hand and the ring he'd set on his index finger. It was a silver band, the outside of it carved all the way around with the long tail of a dragon, and on the top the rest of the dragon was carved into it, staring right up at whoever was looking at it. It had to be a custom-made piece. That's what it had to be, because if it wasn't, that means that it belonged to Arthur, a symbol perhaps of the Pendragon line, and that was just too strange and amazing to consider.

 

“Well...it's nice.”

 

“Just nice?”

 

What did Arthur want him to say? “I mean, it's a dragon, which is really great, but it kind of more suits you. Like the name 'Pendragon'.” It was a feeler, a subtle question.

 

Arthur didn't answer it. Instead, he said, “But you're a dragonlord, so it isn't as if it doesn't suit you.”

 

He really was determined to avoid answering Merlin's questions, wasn't he? Merlin leaned his head back, looking up into Arthur's face. “Say...”

 

“What?” Those hands eased around to his neck, massaging his collarbone, and Merlin had not a single shred or twinge of fear even though he was so vulnerable if Arthur chose to choke him to death for some reason.

 

“Gwen's been...out of sorts all week. Did something happen between you two? She won't talk to me.”

 

Arthur's hands paused, their eyes meeting, and there was something deep and complicated in their depths. “I ended our relationship.”

 

“What?!” he gasped. “Why?! What happened?!”

 

“I realized that...I was deeply, totally, completely, head over heels in love with someone else.” At each description, Arthur had leaned in closer. Perhaps it was supposed to be a secret or Arthur felt self-conscious? His head was so close he could feel the hot breath on his face. Before he could respond, Arthur continued in a quiet voice, “I'm lost in that person, Merlin. Every single word they say, I find myself hanging on to. I feel irritable and upset if they're not near me at every moment, every _breath_. I dream about holding them at night, giving them Camelot, because as much as I love my people, if that person isn't in it, it loses all its beauty. The thought of a single speck of harm coming to them twists me up inside. I would never rest, never close my eyes at night, if they were gone until I found them again. I would surround them with protection so nothing would ever possible hurt them again. I would make sure they knew that they were utterly, completely _safe_ with me no matter what secrets they may hold. Nothing they could say would ever dampen this all-consuming love I feel.”

 

Merlin didn't realize just how short of breath he was, listening to Arthur, until he gasped in when his lungs screamed for air. He'd been so lost in Arthur's eyes and his words, the man so eloquent in his feelings that it felt as if he was the center of the king's world. His heart skipped a few beats, a strange staccato in his chest. “Wow... Whoever it is...is damn lucky. I don't see how anyone could resist you when you say that. Have you told whoever it is that?”

 

“...In time. I'm in no rush.” Those blue eyes closed a little, sorrow flickering in their depths. “Poor Gwen could never hope to compete and I was such a fool to not realize it. I didn't even know until recently that I had latched onto her because she was so close to the one that I did love.”

 

He gulped a little, a cold pit of fear in his stomach as he asked, “It's...not...Morgana, is it?”

 

Arthur's eyes widened in shock. “Morgana?! No! Never! I think of her as a sister! She _is_ my sister!”

 

Something eased inside him and he relaxed bonelessly, as if someone had just snapped all the tension away. “Oh. Okay.” He tilted his head. “Well...who is it? You can tell me, I won't tell them.”

 

The king smiled, as if he had a secret he wasn't willing to share just yet. He reached over for the sponge and soap, dipping both into the water and beginning to scrub Merlin's chest, much to his embarrassment. “You figure it out, Merlin. I gave you all the clues.”

 

Merlin pouted. Gwen was friends with everyone! How was he supposed to guess who it was? Arthur left him to think, focusing on washing him and Merlin watched as the man took one of his arms and scrubbed with gentle, painstaking detail from his shoulder down to his fingertips. Every finger he cleaned, paying special attention, and he shivered without knowing why. There was something so... _intimate_ about what Arthur was doing. He washed off the soap, dripping water down his arm and running his hands over his skin almost reverently.

 

...It couldn't be.

 

Merlin quickly, very quickly, dislodged the thought that came to him with a wild, strange hope. No, Arthur didn't mean him. He was just being nice, wanting someone to talk to about it.

 

That was all.

 

-0-

 

Merlin gasped, sitting up with the force of an angry god, a faint cry dying on his lips. He panted in the darkness, trying to will away a nightmare that was fading so quickly that he didn't remember what it was about or why it scared him. He just remembered fear, apprehension, and a screaming denial in his chest. Whatever it was, it broke his heart. He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face, trying to rid himself of the remnants of the dream.

 

“Merlin?”

 

He blinked at hearing a voice, a very familiar voice. He looked down, seeing Arthur propping himself up on his elbow. Glorious, naked from the chest up with tousled hair Arthur, looking at him with concern. His head snapped up, looking around. This was, indeed, the king's bedroom. The curtains for the window had been left open, bright moonlight streaming in. It was still raining, but more like a light, gentle fall right then. The rivulets of water cast shadows on the bed and them thanks to the moonlight.

 

“Merlin.”

 

“What am I doing here?!” he demanded, realizing that his chest was bare too and he had been sleeping _in the king's bed_. Panic was rising, lodging in his throat. The last thing he remembered was the bathtub and Arthur taking exquisite care to wash him all over—

 

“You fell asleep in the bathtub, Merlin. What did you expect me to do, toss you out and have you sleep on the floor?”

 

As he shifted, he felt pants on his legs and something in his chest eased, some of the panic just a little paused, as he realized that he was not entirely naked. With a quick glance over, he realized that neither was Arthur. He still wore those white sleep pants of his.

 

“What happened, Merlin? What has you so upset?”

 

As his heart calmed, he remembered the nightmare, what woke him in the middle of the night. A night that he should have slept right through, with an amazingly soft bed, gentle moonlight, and a quiet rain. Those were his favorite kind of nights. “Nightmare, is all. I...have them...fairly often.”

 

Arthur frowned. “About what?”

 

“I don't remember this one, but most of them are nightmares about the stuff that happened before. When I remember times I could have failed and what could happen. Sometimes you could die, I could die, sometimes even Camelot burns if I fail.” Before his friend could respond, he turned to look down at him. “Why didn't you just wake me up if I fell asleep?”

 

“Because you looked completely worn out, Merlin. You worry way too much and you do too much, and I'm not talking about chores here. You're everywhere, doing everything, and trying to bolster everyone, while also trying to learn more magic, which I'm sure is exhausting. You looked like you hadn't slept in _days_.”

 

He could see the actual worry in Arthur's eyes, the concern. He'd seen it before, when Arthur had thought he was going to die when they'd been ambushed, but even then, his words had never been as straightforward then as they were now. They'd always been teasing comments or something to distract. The meaning was there, if not what was actually said.

 

Something about this, about being in Arthur's bed like this, being watched like he was, made the room feel smaller, so much more intimate in the darkness. It had a much different feel to him than during the day. It felt like almost anything could happen and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. “I should...probably go,” he muttered.

 

“Just stay here tonight, Merlin. There's no reason to back to Gaius' and wake him up in the middle of the night.”

 

He decided he probably shouldn't mention that he had gotten quite proficient at sneaking past Gaius in the middle of the night. Arthur's hand was on his upper arm, gently tugging him back down. “Anything I can do to help with the nightmares?”

 

“No, not really.” He leaned back into the bed gingerly, enjoying the softness of both pillow and bed. It was absolutely wonderful. He had thought the bed was always so big before, but with the two of them, it seemed so small. Arthur was _right there_. A pang went through his chest and he took a deep breath, muttering, “Yeah, whoever you love is really damn lucky and if they don't realize that, I'm just going to have to do something about that. If they ever take you for granted, or take advantage of you...”

 

Arthur was grinning and even laughed a little. “Go to sleep, Merlin.”

 

“Hey, I'm serious! Tell me who it is and I'll make sure they treat you right!”

 

“Go to _sleep_ ,” the laughing king said, ruffling Merlin's hair. Was it his imagination that those fingers lingered a little on his ear.

 

-0-

 

The next time he woke up, it was far more leisurely. It was lovely, how he could stretch and sink into the soft bed...until he realized that somehow in their sleep, they'd ended up cuddling. He gulped a little, realizing that Arthur's strong neck was right in his view and their arms were clasped around each other in an embrace. Oh by the gods, how embarrassing! Biting his lip, he gently eased out of the loose hold, feeling cold after he did so and quickly grabbed his clothes. He had to get Arthur's breakfast—

 

“What, no good morning kiss?”

 

The tease lanced across the room just as he finished setting his scarf in place. He tensed, turning, and watched as Arthur admired the scarf he'd given him. This time he was braced on his elbow, head on his hand, and that insufferable smirk was right there. He frowned. “Save that for the person you love...which I can't believe you won't tell me who. I thought for sure you were head over heels for Gwen.”

 

Arthur's eyes flashed with emotion, there and gone, and he said, “I've give you all the pieces, Merlin. Figure it out.” He flopped onto his back. “Hungry.”

 

“Going to get it, your royal pain-in-the-assness.”

 

“Good.” Merlin had his hand on the doorknob when Arthur said, “Oh, and get a basket made up. I think I'm going to go out for a ride most of the day.”

 

“Alone?” He really didn't like Arthur going by himself. He always got into trouble!

 

“I don't know. We'll see.” That secret smile played on his lips. “Hopefully not.”

 

“Well, I hope that person agrees to go. For your sake.”

 

Arthur braced himself on both elbows. “Merlin? What's the matter?”

 

He hadn't realized he'd been frowning. “I just hope whoever it is, is worth you. I know Gwen and I know she loves you, she wouldn't hurt you. This other person...” A pang of deep jealousy went through him that he pushed away. “I just don't want you hurt.”

 

An unreadable look went over Arthur's face. “I don't want to be hurt either. I'll find out real soon, though, if I will be or not. I don't know if I'll be turned down.”

 

“If they turn you down, they're a fool,” he said seriously and stepped out, closing the door behind him. He had never felt so upset before in his life. Damn Loki. The words of his mentor had not left him. He knew that he felt something for Arthur now, both physically and otherwise, but there was no way in hell that the king would ever look at a simple manservant like him.

 

Breakfast was a quiet affair since he couldn't think of a single thing to say. Arthur was watching him and just letting him stew in the silence, which he hated him for. That wasn't fair. As he gathered up the remains of the meal, Arthur asked, “Is the basket ready?”

 

“Wait, you're going _now_? It's...it's still morning!”

 

“I want to have all day. Besides, it's bright and sunny. Look at that. I want to take advantage of it.”

 

It was a beautiful day, the sun coming out after that horrendous storm the day before. Arthur shooed him away and he headed back down to the kitchen to pack a quick basket of food. The cooks watched him curiously, one asking, “What's that for?”

 

“Arthur. Says he's going on a picnic with someone.”

 

“Didn't he and Gwen...” Rumor had spread like wildfire, apparently and he nodded slowly. “So who's he goin' with?”

 

“Don't know,” he answered with a grin he didn't feel and headed out into the courtyard. He pulled Arthur's favorite horse from the stable and tied the small basket to the saddle he'd put on. Arthur must have been watching for him because he came out moments later, dressed casually with his long brown coat, white shirt and breeches...but also his red cape. It seemed kind of strange...

 

Shrugging at himself, he stepped away to glance at the open gate of the courtyard. There was only one horse. As he heard the quick sounds of the horse cantering, he asked, “Are they meeting you there—”

 

He didn't even get the full question out before he yelped as Arthur, on his way past, grabbed Merlin and threw him over the saddle in front of him. The horse immediately started galloping before he could get down and he yelled, “Arthur!”

 

Arthur only laughed as they sped off. Merlin was terrified he'd fall, but Arthur's hand on his back steadied him, telling him the king wouldn't let him fall. It was a testament to the man's riding ability that he could guide the horse with one hand on the reins only, a feat that Merlin couldn't accomplish on his best day.

 

It felt like forever, the horse's movements jarring into his stomach before Arthur finally slowed him next to a nearby stream. In the very far distance he could see the spires of the castle, but that was it. The king dismounted quickly and helped him down...and held him up as he gasped for air and tried to get his feet under him. “What the hell did you do that for?!” he demanded, just giving up on standing and collapsing on the ground.

 

“You didn't have your horse ready to go.”

 

“You didn't say I was coming! You could have just told me to get ready!”

 

“Would have wasted too much time.”

 

Merlin watched as Arthur set out the blanket on the grass and the basket next to it. “Is she coming?”

 

“Who?”

 

“The woman you're in love with.”

 

Arthur tilted his head and came over next to Merlin, bending over. “The person I love...is already _here_.” As he spoke, he lifted Merlin's hand and kissed the back of it as if he were a noble woman that deserved the utmost respect.

 

Merlin's jaw dropped as the king eased onto his knees and leaned forward, capturing his mouth quickly. That tongue took the opportunity it was presented with and he moaned when he felt Arthur begin to map the inside of his mouth. It was a kiss as if Arthur was dying of thirst and he was the water, desperate and pleading.

 

While he wanted nothing more than to continue, he couldn't. Not until he knew what was going on. He pushed Arthur back, panting as their lips broke. “Wait. Wait! I don't...understand!”

 

“I told you everything, Merlin. I've been telling you all week!” Seeing Merlin's confused look, Arthur groaned and sighed. “What was first?”

 

“What?”

 

“What I gave you.”

 

“Oh. Um...the scarf.”

 

“Bought specifically with you in mind and your favorite color. Next.”

 

“You...let me off chores.”

 

“A free day that I'd hoped you'd spend around me. Third.”

 

“You sent George with breakfast in bed.”

 

“Your birthday, _my_ breakfast.” His jaw dropped, but before he could say anything, Arthur continued, “Fourth.”

 

“You...let me stay in the round table. Even...let me sit there.”

 

“You were always welcome even before, but you never stayed, so I asked you to. Fifth.”

 

“The ring.”

 

“A custom made ring from the Pendragon line, passed down for generations. Sixth.”

 

“The earring...?”

 

“Designed to mark you as mine, if the ring hadn't already. Which it did. It really did. Seventh.”

 

“Se...venth? You didn't give me anything after that.”

 

“Wrong. The bath? Pampering you, washing even your fingernails? I wanted to show you that no matter if I'm king, you're still my equal. With everything I've done, how did you _not_ see what I was trying to tell you?”

 

“I—”

 

“I _told you in the bath_! I _looked directly into your eyes_! Tell me what I said, Merlin.”

 

“I—”

 

“I said, and I quote: I was deeply, totally, completely, head over heels in love with someone else. I _am_ deeply, totally, completely, head over heels in love with _you_ , you idiot! I may not have realized it at the time, but I courted Gwen so she wouldn't have you. You never noticed that she flirted with _you_ until I did that. I did it instinctively, I guess. She was always near you and I assumed that when my heart beat faster, it was for her, not you. I finally realized the truth.”

 

He was at a complete loss. Merlin stared at the annoyed king, trying to think of a single thing to say, before blurting out, “I sounded like an idiot.”

 

Arthur blinked. “What?”

 

“When I said all that stuff about making sure the person you loved realized your value and that they were lucky and...” He groaned in embarrassment.

 

There was a snicker and Arthur was smiling at him so sweetly, how he used to with Gwen, only this was for him and it was so much better. “I thought it was cute, actually, since I knew you didn't realize it. I figured something much more obvious was going to be necessary.”

 

“Hence the picnic.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Merlin flopped on his back and shook his head at himself. How could he be so stupid? Arthur eased down next to him, cautiously, both like a gentleman, but also someone afraid of rejection. He watched as the king leaned in slowly, taking a soft kiss. “And you, Merlin? How do you feel about me?”

 

He didn't even need to think about it. He smiled brilliantly and said, “I exist only for you.”

 

“Does that mean...”

 

“And you call me dense,” he teased.

 

Arthur playfully glared at him. “Can you blame a man for wanting to be sure when he's so in love with you, he'd give up his kingdom to have you?”

 

Merlin's breath caught a little because he could see that Arthur meant every word of it. He would do it, if he had to, to be with him. “I love you, Arthur. Completely, head over heels in love with you.”

 

The king gave a soft groan and kissed him deeper. “Don't say it anymore, Merlin.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I can't be a gentleman if you do.”

 

“Who said I wanted a gentleman?”

 

Something sparked in Arthur's eyes and he swept his cloak off, bunching it up and sliding it underneath Merlin's head. “So that's what you brought it for.”

 

“Hope, not expectation,” he answered the silent question. “I love you so dearly, it takes the breath out of me, Merlin.”

 

“...Does that mean I get to have a bed as nice as yours?”

 

Arthur laughed brightly, easing over Merlin and his body blocking the bright sunlight, giving him a beautiful halo. “You get to have _my_ bed.” He lifted up Merlin's right hand and kissed the ring. “This is, after all...my marriage proposal.”

 

He gasped. “ _Marriage_?”

 

“I'd like you to make an honest man out of me.”

 

Merlin snickered. “I don't think anyone can make an honest man out of you.”

 

Arthur nibbled at his ear and Merlin gasped. “Well...perhaps not _today_. I am definitely planning to do some very _dishonest_ things to you.” There was a pause before probably the most embarrassing question of all, “Merlin, have you...with a man before?”

 

His face flooded red as he felt Arthur tugging his shirt up. “N-No.”

 

Finally the king looked up. “Not even with that boy from your village, Will was his name?”

 

He couldn't help laughing. “Will and I? No! Never!”

 

“Good. Very... _very_ good.”

 

“What, were you jealous?” The silence made him gasp almost in amused delight. “You _were_ , weren't you?”

 

“Shut up, Merlin.”

 

Though the question was not as embarrassing as what he'd been asked, more raw than that, but he felt a sudden urge to ask it. Merlin chewed on his lip before saying, “Did you and Gwen ever...?”

 

Arthur's kissing trip from his neck down to his now bare chest paused. The pale blue eyes of the king flickered up to him. “No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“A lot of reasons. I didn't want to have a child out of wedlock, for one, and the other...It just never... _felt_ right. Now I know why.”

 

Something clicked in his head and he demanded, “Did you _tell_ Gwen about this?”

 

“About...what?”

 

“About you being in love with me!”

 

“Yes.”

 

So that was why she avoided him! “No wonder she won't speak to me!”

 

“Merlin, I made it very clear that it wasn't your fault. She knows that.”

 

“Did she believe you?”

 

“Believe me? About loving you? Why wouldn't she?”

 

“Because I'm a man, for one.”

 

Arthur shook his head. “I don't know what you're on about, Merlin. Your brain is completely unfathomable to me.” As if to forestall any further conversation down that path, he lightly nipped at Merlin's neck, drawing a soft moan. “That's a much better sound out of you.”

 

Merlin quickly reached for Arthur's clothes, much to the king's amusement. “If I'm going to be without a shirt, so are you.”

 

“Oh, you'll be without much more than that in a minute,” was the dark promise that sent a shiver down his spine. “You have no idea how much willpower it took to not do this last night.”

 

“Why didn't you just tell me yesterday in the bath?”

 

“I _did_ , as I made abundantly clear ago a few minutes, but you didn't realize it. Then you fell asleep and I saw how worn out you looked. I was being honest with you, Merlin, you looked like hell. You needed to sleep. Now...stop talking.”

 

The most effective manner that Arthur found for that was kissing Merlin senseless. It was more than Merlin had honestly ever dreamed. It didn't take much for the throbbing in his pants to start, but whenever he started to squirm, his partner just continued his slow seduction until he calmed. Arthur was obviously not going to be _rushing_ anything. For awhile, all they did was kiss, languidly removing their clothes but going no further.

 

Was Arthur really going to make this an all day affair? Still, he could think of far worse things to do and when you had a beautiful, wonderful king over you, acting as if you were the entire world, you didn't complain. Instead of giving him a rush of power that such a powerful man would give it all up for him, he felt humbled instead. He really didn't deserve such an honor.

 

His eyes followed Arthur as the man kissed all the way down his legs, to his feet. Callused hands lifted one of them and he kissed his toes, as if he were the king. “Arthur,” he whispered, “you really shouldn't—”

 

“I'm not a king right now, Merlin. I'm just a man that loves you.”

 

Feeling a swelling of love in his chest, he pulled the man back over top him and kissed him deeply. “I'll never let anything happen to you, Arthur. I don't care what happens to me—”

 

“I care what happens to you, so you better take care of yourself. I'm not ruling alone here.”

 

The sun was warm as it shone down on them, but the shade under which they lay kept them cool. Merlin bit his lip as he felt Arthur ease his fingers in. Whispered words of love and encouragement sounded in his ears and he had never thought that the man that constantly teased him would be such a...gentleman. They always had such an easy give and take, but this was beyond all of that. Arthur was truly what a knight, and a man, should be. The exemplar that everyone should aspire to be.

 

“Are you ready, Merlin?”

 

Was he ready? He was ready to scream, he wanted it so badly. Arthur was leaning back over him, that halo of light around his shoulders, and he nodded quickly, lost for words at the beauty of the man that had chosen him, the most unworthy of all.

 

He gasped, squirming at first, because it was so tight. Arthur grunted above him, lightly holding his neck in reassurance as he slowly eased himself in. “Just trust me, Merlin.”

 

“I've always trusted you. I can't say...I trust in your choice of partner...but I trust you.”

 

Arthur laughed. “I've chosen who I've chosen, so you're just going to have to live with it.”

 

As he settled fully inside, Merlin finally relaxed as they remained there, battling their lust to keep it at a low simmer and not let it overwhelm them. “I want to savor you,” Arthur whispered, stealing a deep kiss. “So bear with me.”

 

“Don't...I always?” he panted, sharing a delighted grin.

 

After that, it was like being in a slow, cresting wave. Each motion was slow but deliberate, the touches almost more powerful than the thrusts. No matter how Merlin cried out, and he cried out a lot, Arthur wouldn't move any faster. He gripped the grass, pulling up tufts, as he arched his head back into the wadded up cloak that constituted as a pillow. He felt telltale tremors in his legs, telling him that he was close, but before he could say anything, he felt Arthur's hands on his thighs.

 

As if divining it for himself, he muttered, “You're close, aren't you? Good, so am I.”

 

Merlin reached up, pulling Arthur in close and holding him tight as finally, _finally_ , that slow crawl toward pleasure began to pick up speed. He grit his teeth as he held on, half-moon marks forming on the king's back, but when Arthur began to grip him, please him by hand, he lost it. With a shout, he convulsed, lifting his hips and clenching around his lover when he released.

 

It brought Arthur along with, but the king was quiet in his pleasure and only panted in his ear as pumped out his seed before collapsing on top of him. “Merlin...”

 

“What?” he gasped back.

 

“What magic did you use?”

 

“I didn't use any.”

 

“You must have because I have never felt so good before in my life as I did just then.”

 

Merlin laughed at that. Well at least he had one up on the king just this once!

 


	7. Chapter 7

Loki moaned a bit as he woke up. Arms were wrapped so tightly around him that it could have been uncomfortable for anyone else. He always woke in a good mood now and not just because of the sex lately. All through the night, he could feel their emotions dancing and twisting together through the bond, having conversations that they never dared have, all without words. He never knew what they 'talked' about, but it was free of lies or deceit. He could no longer lie to Thor.

 

That was one of the downsides of the bond. Thor could sense his emotions so keenly that he knew when he'd lie. Sighing, feeling his partner's emotions still flooding through him, he kicked at Thor's ankle. There was a grunt and as his brother awoke, the emotions settled to a more contained hum rather than an overwhelming ocean.

 

“Loki?”

 

“Who else?” he groused with an annoyance he didn't feel.

 

It had been three days since their little trip into the cavern and only now did he feel they could settle a little. The bond had been so overwhelming at first, so fierce, that they had been inseparable. He could not bear to have Thor out of his sight and neither could his brother. Only now did he feel that they might be able to part. It was a matter of becoming used to it, understanding the nature of what now bound them.

 

“I do not envy you explaining this to the Allfather.”

 

“...Neither do I,” Thor muttered, shifting from spooning Loki's back to sitting up. “He will just have to understand. When I take over his stead, I will have to appoint an heir after me as you can not bear any of my children.” He shifted, and damn the bond, but the awkward emotions caught Thor's attention. “Can you?”

 

“That's not entirely accurate. Jotuns are a single-gender species. Males _can_ carry young. Can I carry _yours_? I do not know. There was no mention of any half-Jotun children that I could find.” He eyed his brother. “A thought for another time, Thor. There is too much chaos right now to even consider it. Particularly with my fate in the balance. Assuming that I was even interested in such a thing, of course.”

 

“I already promised you freedom—”

 

“ _You_ promised me freedom while you _disobeyed_ the Allfather. Do you think that he would honor a promise you made with a convict?”

 

“With my mate, he will!”

 

Loki shrugged. “A moot point since I have no interest in returning to Asgard at present. Perhaps never.” While he felt Thor's inner turmoil at that, he sensed a willingness to stay wherever Loki was. “You would abdicate the throne if I would not return?”

 

“It would be...an option. The other, of course, would be to rule alone and visit you as often as possible, which I do not think I could bear.”

 

“All of these are thoughts for a future that might not come to pass, most likely will not.” Curiously he asked, as he climbed out of bed to dress, “Are you still jealous of Merlin, Thor?”

 

“Yes and no.”

 

“Thor, we are _bonded_! How much more security do you need?”

 

“It is not about security, Loki, but just how I feel. You are close, protective of Merlin, and it has only been three days since you have allowed me entrance into your trust again. I have not yet slaked my thirst for you yet. Perhaps never.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes at Thor's grin. “My 'apprentice' waits.”

 

“I think I will fly...but I will return soon.”

 

He waved him away, but Thor grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it before Loki stalked out with red cheeks.

 

-0-

 

He knew it was too good to last. Three days was all he got out of it before everything began to fall apart.

 

The moment the beam of light had come down into the courtyard, he had known what it was. Thor was still gone, leaving him alone to deal with whoever Asgard had sent. Arthur, complete with a simplistic crown as he held court, looked over at him. Loki masterfully held in his fear, his face betraying nothing, but he could feel his magic hum at his fingertips. Merlin could sense the magic he gathered and it put him on edge as he stood next to him.

 

Though he could have gone over to peer down at the courtyard to find out who was coming, Loki had a fatalistic sense of who it was. He had no need to _see_ them.

 

The door opened a few moments later, Leon entering with Percival. “Sire, you have guests. They are from...Asgard.” The four knights of Arthur's had been told, so they knew what Asgard was, but the rest of the court twittered in curiosity.

 

The sounds of their footsteps in their armor made his heart sink further and further. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears now, preparing himself mentally for the battle that would, inevitably, take place. Slowly he closed his eyes and calmed himself, even though he knew that Thor had felt his roiling emotions and was likely on his way back at that very moment. He heard the rustle of clothing as Arthur stood.

 

“I am Arthur Pendragon, king of Camelot.”

 

“I am Sif, one of the Warriors Three and—Loki!” The sound of steel being drawn was familiar as it was unmistakable.

 

Her outraged cry galvanized the room. Loki's eyes opened, a calm expression on his face as they drew their weapons. “Well if it is the Warriors Three and Lady Sif. I would say so nice to meet, but then I would be lying.”

 

Before they could take a step forward, or he even reach for a weapon, he found that he was blocked by none other than Merlin in front of him, and four knights in front of him. Their weapons were drawn and ready. “Beautiful beyond measure you may be,” Gwaine said, “but I'm afraid I can't let you hurt him.”

 

“You would threaten as your way of greeting?” Leon added passionately.

 

Sif turned angrily to Arthur as Loki watched in interest to see how this was going to play out. He had not anticipated this current event. “You harbor a criminal of Asgard and Midgard. Step aside so we might take him into custody.”

 

The king glanced between Loki and them and shook his head. “While he may indeed be a criminal elsewhere, here Loki has shown himself to be an erstwhile ally. I'm afraid I cannot allow you to take him.”

 

“He's manipulating you, don't you see?! It was a skill he was known for!”

 

“I'm aware. He told his us everything when he came here and asked for asylum.”

 

Asylum? Well wasn't that a nice little fib of Arthur's. He had asked for no such thing, but nor was he willing to just go back to his imprisonment. Either Thor had not told his friends of their deal for his freedom, or they knew and either wanted him back in prison regardless, or it was the Allfather's orders that no matter what deal Thor made, Loki was to be imprisoned.

 

“Do not make an enemy of Asgard,” Sif warned.

 

“Do not make an enemy of Camelot,” Arthur countered.

 

Loki could feel Merlin's magic boiling in front of him and he placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him. There was no need for theatrics just yet. The Warriors Three and Sif did not appear to be willing to take on what they considered an inferior force to get to him just yet.

 

“I'm _trying_ to help you—”

 

“Stop, Sif.”

 

The four whirled to see Thor standing in the doorway to the throne room. While he had Mjolnir in his hand, he did not have it raised. His expression was serious, but calm; a complete opposite to what Loki could feel from him. Thor was absolutely, desperately trying to hold on to his rational, hoping to talk it out with his friends before fighting erupted. He had warned Thor that this could happen...

 

“Thor! We came to find you, but—you knew Loki was here, didn't you? That's why you left.”

 

At Thor's nod, Volstagg gasped. “Thor, why by Odin's beard, didn't you tell us?!”

 

“Thor...” Loki warned, trying to get his attention before he said exactly what he feared he'd say.

 

“Loki and I are bonded as mates. I cannot let you take him.”

 

...Like that.

 

The uproar it caused, not just from the Asgardians, but the court itself from Camelot was like a deafening pitch. It was Arthur that brought it to heel with a yell. “ _Silence_!” He glared at his court and said, “Those of Asgard present, know this: Loki is under my protection and will remain here, safe and unharmed. If you come again with this purpose, particularly with guards and weapons, we will consider it an act of war. We do not want this option, but do not leave us with this as our only choice.”

 

“Go home,” Thor added. “Tell father what you have learned and ask him to leave Loki in peace.”

 

“The Allfather will not accept it,” Sif warned him, completely ignoring Arthur and everyone else.

 

“Then he will fight me!” Loki threw as calming emotions as he could to his mate, bringing him back down from a seething broil that would have him yelling again. Thor's shoulders shifted, glancing at Loki, and added, “As Arthur, son of Uther has said, if you come for anything other than Loki, you are welcome here. Heimdall! Return them!”

 

Only the Asgardians heard the words, _“As you command_.”

 

As soon as they were gone, weapons were lowered and Gwaine turned to Arthur. “War, King Arthur? Really?”

 

It was Gaius that ushered everyone out and Arthur collapsed on his throne room with a sigh. “While I would not shirk from it, it was mostly a bluff. Seeing what Thor and Loki are capable of, I have a feeling we would totally be unmatched.”

 

“You would,” Loki told him flatly. “Should Asgard attack or invade, you would be outnumbered and your weapons would be useless.”

 

Thor had come up behind him, wrapping him tightly in an embrace. “I do not think it will come to that. Father will see reason. He would not attack.”

 

“You have a lot of faith in him,” Loki said scornfully. “I do not.”

 

“He would never court war, Loki. He might come himself, but I do not believe he would attack. Besides, Father is aware you live, Loki. He, Heimdall, and I all knew.”

 

“So why did your _friends_ come? On his order?”

 

“No. I believe they came to find me. I have been gone for awhile.” Thor turned to those still in the room, Gaius included. “I cannot thank you enough for your defense of Loki.”

 

“Well, he's our friend!” Merlin said, as if that was the only reason needed and it was so simple.

 

Loki didn't understand any of them. They all, Thor included, would be willing to lay down their lives to protect him for sentimentality. He had always viewed such a thing as weakness, yet they were putting it all on the line for him, just because of such emotion. He had no sentimentality, or so he thought...but he would defend them if they were attacked. To them, it was all so simple, but for him so complicated. He _needed_ them, so of course he would defend them...right?

 

“Let the King of Asgard come here,” he said. “Let us see just what he thinks he can do against us.”

 

-0-

 

It took four days for him to come and in that point Loki almost fretted himself to pieces...even though he denied that he fretted. He planned and schemed for every eventuality, placing magic into the very stonework of the palace and particularly the throne room. Merlin was the only one who caught him and demanded to help in exchange for his silence.

 

Because if it came to blows, he wanted to be sure he could take the Allfather with him when he teleported them somewhere that would not destroy their city. They did not deserve such fate even though they had been absolutely foolish enough to stand against Asgard just for him.

 

This time Heimdall's voice gave them forewarning. He wasn't sure if the Allfather had told him to make that warning clear, or if it was his choice. “ _The Allfather approaches._ ”

 

“He's coming,” he told Merlin. Arthur tensed. “Lesson time over for now.” Perhaps forever.

 

By the time he had teleported the three back from the wilderness to the throne room, Thor was already there. This time no courtiers were present, just the knights and Gaius, likely rounded up by his lover.

 

“You know what to do if things go wrong,” Arthur told his knights and they nodded. Loki only glanced at Merlin out of the corner of his eye, who looked right back, as determined as he had ever seen the young man be.

 

There were no fanfares for the Allfather, but he was impressive enough on his own. No honor guard, just the man dressed in his armor with Gungnir in his hand. Loki had a moment of doubt that if it came down to it, whether he would be more powerful than Gungnir.

 

“I am Odin Borson, Allfather and King of Asgard.”

 

Arthur looked him up and down. “King Arthur, of Camelot. To what do we owe the pleasure?”

 

His eyes moved over to the back corner of the room where Loki stood with Thor next to him. “My sons.”

 

Loki couldn't help it. He barked, “Son _s_? You disowned me!”

 

“You attempted to invade an entire world!” Odin boomed back. “You showed no sign of remorse!”

 

“Then what changed to make me son again, _Allfather_?!” he sneered, ignoring the tightening of his hand by his lover.

 

He wasn't surprised when Odin didn't give him an answer. The King of Asgard had a worse time of expressing his emotions beyond anger than Loki ever did. He was expressive book compared the man he'd called his father.

 

“Thor told me that in exchange for your help, he would offer you your freedom.”

 

“Do you honor it?”

 

“...I will.”

 

His eyebrows shot to his hairline at that. He didn't believe it for one minute! “Why?”

 

“Do not question a king, Loki!”

 

“I _will_ question all I like!”

 

“I did not come here to speak to you so be silent!” He could still see anger in that one eye. Odin had not forgiven him for what he did, maybe never would. He burned with both humiliation and anger, wanting to make Odin suffer all that he had suffered, but he knew he didn't have the power to do so.

 

“I came to speak to Thor and the man that would protect you.” He turned to Arthur. “I have no desire for war and you are lucky. You are not ready for what you threatened.”

 

“I have no desire for war, but I will not stand idly by and not defend those I call ally and friend. To do so is dishonorable and repugnant. Even to my last breath, I would rather die for my beliefs than live in cowardice.”

 

Odin sized him up and nodded. “A brave man. Thor!” Loki felt Thor tense up next to him, but it was not with fear, only concern. “You have bonded with Loki.”

 

“I have. Nor was I coerced.”

 

“I never considered you were. It would be impossible to coerce a bond...but they can be dissolved, in extreme circumstances.”

 

Loki stiffened. He had read nowhere that it could be removed and he felt his heart hammer against his ribcage with fear. How dare the Allfather bring it up now! He wanted to now take Thor from him, the bastard—! His lip curled into a snarl and the only reason he didn't lash out was because his lover had sensed it and wrapped his arms tight around him, keeping him in place.

 

“I would never desire the bond dissolved. Ever.”

 

“...Very well.”

 

Arthur stepped forward, gaining the Allfather's attention. “Will you stay?”

 

“No, not this time...but I expect I shall visit often, as it is now the home of my sons. Take care of them well. I do not need an army to reap revenge for dishonor.”

 

“And I do not need to be warned like a child, but I do understand what you're trying to say. Have a safe journey to your home.”

 

Odin's eye flashed and it was impossible for Loki to tell whether he was angered, amused, or respectful of Arthur's insolence. The Bifrost swallowed Odin quickly and as soon as he was gone, it was as if the air had been let out of a filled balloon.

 

“Well that went better than I expected,” Gwaine said, making a motion to wipe his forehead. “At least it's over with and Loki is free.”

 

He was, wasn't he? Free, with no need to constantly look over his shoulder. He grinned as he thought of all that he could do in this world, and what he could show them. “Yes, I am. How interesting.”

 

“So when are you two going to get married?”

 

All thoughts derailed and Loki stared at Gwaine's grinning face in incomprehension. “What?”

 

“Well Arthur and Merlin are eventually going to get married, so it could be a double wedding, I suppose.”

 

“Gwaine!” Merlin hissed.

 

“What?!”

 

Interesting indeed.

 


End file.
